When All the Little Things Become Ginormous Things

Hello, sweet friends~

I am thankful to be here in this space to share a bit tonight.  As I type, I'm sitting cross-legged on our bed, wearing leggings, a tank top and a cardigan, and listening to the sounds of Mark scrubbing away at the mildew that has appeared in our bedroom closet.

Mildew is just one of the delightful attributes of an old home.  I am generally quite fond of our house and all its character, but these past months have definitely sapped my affection for it, what with flooding in our basement, plumbing problems, more flooding in our basement, a broken dishwasher (that KEEPS breaking), a broken washing machine, and now this mildew.  Sigh.  Thank you, God, for our home: for shelter, for warmth, for rooms and beds and running water and all the life and love that resides within these walls. 

Last week was a difficult one.  I PMS'd hard.  Worse than ever.  It was fairly awful.  And I was a total wreck.  I spent a good deal of time sobbing.  And when I wasn't crying, I was angry and irritable and more yelly than usual.  I just didn't really LIKE anyone last week.  All the little things that I can usually just shrug off or don't actually even notice became Ginormous Things That Must Be Addressed This Very Second, and every single thing seemed so overwhelming and burdensome.  What I need during these times (space, quiet, rest, time with Jesus, time with Mark) were hard to come by and that made it so much more difficult.

My poor family.  Really.  I was such a mess.  Mark is the most supportive, loving, tender, gentle, patient husband.  He just waits out the storm, patiently listening to me vent and sob and tell him all the things wrong in our marriage, house, family, children, parenting, schedule, schooling, etc.  You name it, I covered it.  Completely.  And with MUCH drama.

One morning I was feeling overwhelmed because I'd been dealing with a discipline issue with one of the kids throughout much of our morning.  I was emotional and exhausted and it was only breakfast time.  Four of my kids were waiting at the table to eat and for me to start our morning time.  I walked out to the kitchen with a heavy heart, feeling so fragile and on the verge of tears.  I looked at our Morning Time list and it truly felt impossible to speak, let alone cheerily start our day with singing and poems and whatever else was on our list.  I just couldn't.

So I began by praying over our day, and of course that made the tears spill over and it was a good thing-- just thanking God for His mercy and asking Him to help me BE merciful with this particular child; and praying for wisdom and guidance for our day.  When we finished praying I still couldn't fathom going through our regular Morning Time routine, so I asked the kids if they would like to share with me what they'd been reading in their Bibles lately; what God had been speaking to their hearts or what they had been learning or what had stood out to them during their readings.  (I was happy just to get them talking so I could collect myself and not have to facilitate.)  For the next several minutes God ministered to my heart so sweetly through the words of my kids.  Each of them shared about what they'd been reading, and I later realized that that was exactly what my heart needed.  And how dear is it that encouragement came through the mouths of my kids?  I'm just so thankful for this season of life with them, for their sure faith and the growth I get to see in them.

Other highlights of the week: Getting outside with the kids-- on our nature study walk, and reveling in the beauty of fall around us.  And another day when I was able to get out by myself on a trail and ended up crying out to Jesus pretty much the whole walk.  And a hot bath one night where I read a few Psalms and let the truth of God's word wash over me.

I am so thankful to put last week behind us.  Mark has wisely decided that THIS week we will take the week off school, and I am so looking forward to it, and also needing that.  We're going to rest, sit in front of the fire and do lots of reading aloud, hit the library and bring home new books to cozy up around, meet up with friends to play, celebrate a birthday here (Isaac! 13!) and love well after a week of struggle.

Blessings to you, sweet friends.  Now please hit me with all your best how-to-handle-PMS tips.  If that becomes the new normal, we may have to take one week off every MONTH just to survive. Or maybe I just need to move out for a few days each month?  ;)