Yesterday was a difficult day. It wasn't that my children were especially difficult. I'd say it was a fairly average day as far as disobedience goes.
My oldest two (three and four years old) touched the little lights on our front window. They know not to touch them. And I spoke harshly to them. Okay, I yelled.
My youngest (19 months) climbed atop the toy chest for the umpteenth time that day. Not to mention the too-many-to-count other times he gets up there, every other day. And each time he is sternly told "No" and gets disciplined. He knows better! And I was angry at him for not getting it. Again.
And then there's my three-year old, who dawdles at every opportunity. How many times do I have to repeat myself? All without any movement whatsoever on his part. Sometimes I wonder if he's heard me at all.
There were other things, too. But it wasn't the issues themselves, it was my response to these things that was wrong. I knew that it was me.
I talked to my husband about my day late last night, and he listened. I told him about the times the children had disobeyed , and what my response had been. I told him- through regretful tears- of my impatience, my exasperation, my frustration with the kids.
He said something then about how it takes time to do it right. And time is difficult to come by as a mother who is pulled in three different directions every day. (Or more. After all, if it's not my children who need my attention, it's the laundry piling up, the ringing phone, the dishes filling up the sink, a meal that needs to be made... and a myriad of other things.)
But what he said about time was exactly what I needed to hear. That's what I've been missing of late: taking the time to discipline properly. Bibically.
Instead I have spun around from my duties in the kitchen, witnessed an offense, abruptly (and in frustration) administered discipline. I have reacted. I have sinned in my words, in my tone and in my anger. I have neglected to stop what I am doing, take my child aside, and take the time. To ask questions. Listen and understand. Consult God's Word together. Administer the rod of correction. Pray. Hug.
I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning. Today I get to start afresh. And I purpose- with God's help- to do it right.
*Sigh*
Ugh. I am blowing it today as a mama.
Lord, strengthen me. Fill me with Your love, grace, patience, compassion and kindness. May I be slow to anger. As You are.
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. (Psalm 86:15)
Shape me, I pray.
May I choose a soft-spoken word over a harsh one.
Kindness instead of crabbiness.
A smile instead of a frown.
Patience in place of my impatience.
Thank you for entrusting me with these little ones. May I be faithful to honor you today in my calling as a mother.
Lord, strengthen me. Fill me with Your love, grace, patience, compassion and kindness. May I be slow to anger. As You are.
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. (Psalm 86:15)
Shape me, I pray.
May I choose a soft-spoken word over a harsh one.
Kindness instead of crabbiness.
A smile instead of a frown.
Patience in place of my impatience.
Thank you for entrusting me with these little ones. May I be faithful to honor you today in my calling as a mother.
The perfect tree
Yesterday after church we set out in search of the perfect Christmas tree. I want to be absolutely clear that the perfect Christmas tree, in my humble opinion, can not be an artificial one. And. One more thing: I don't think anyone should peruse the tied-up pre-cut varieties at any store or stand and purchase one of those. They are simply inferior. (Like I said, in my humble opinion.)
Without fail, for as long as I can remember, the weekend after Thanksgiving is when you would spot my family-- my dad, mom, my older sister, me, and my younger two brothers--traipsing through the cold Christmas tree farm, hunting for the perfect tree. Ahem. My mom's version of the perfect tree. For those of you new to this type of hunt: To find the perfect tree means that you have to rule out every other tree.
As it happens it was usually pouring down rain, and the tree farm we frequented had a valley in the middle of it, boasting some very evident drainage problems. So getting to the other side of the lake (which is where the perfect tree surely sat, according to my mom) was an adventure to say the least. Each one of us had our work cut out for us to try to convince mom that this one, here, was it. Right? The perfect tree. Before we got to the lake.
Really, as a young girl- any tree was sufficient as long as we could get back to the warmth of the car straightaway. But my mom had the deciding vote. And my mom is the most indecisive person on the planet. "Oh, I don't know. Do you think it's too sparse right there at the bottom of the tree? Maybe. I think so. Where was that other one...? No, not the first one, but the second one. Remember? The one I said I liked? Let's go look at that one again." And so off we'd go.
Over the years we developed a system. We'd get out and scour the lot, marking all the possibilities. (With leaves, rope, a twig, whatever we could find...) Then we'd go back to each one and finally, after about an hour or so had passed, my dad would say something like, "Okay, honey. Really. I think we've seen them all, now. Time to choose one." And so she'd narrow it down- to maybe the final two or three choices- and then on our way back to the one she'd decided we could cut down and take home, she'd spot a few other possibilities.
Somehow we always came home with a tree. The perfect tree.
Now, I don't know how this happened--it's not like I consciously decided that my husband and children should endure the same thing as I did growing up--but I do happen to have a very clear picture in my own mind of what the "perfect tree" is. And so the tradition continues.
I meant to detail our own hunt here in this post, but... this is far too long already so I'll do that next time.
[Photo courtesy of the stock.xchng]
Saturday gratitude
540. snow!
541. the exuberance of E & I upon peering outside this morning
542. snow nestled in the trees
543. a Creator who thought of snow
544. making a snowman. at 7:40 in the morning.
545. my children all bundled up
546. cold fingers and toes that are certain to be warmed
547. hot cocoa with marshmellows
548. the paper snowflakes we plan to make today. (Thank you, Ann!)
[Snowflake photo courtesy of the stock.xchng.]
Extravagance
A couple of months ago, on a Sunday afternoon, my husband said this: "Would it be a blessing to you if on my day off, I planned the menu, made the meal and you could have a break?"
I envisioned trying to take a break in our house while he was in the kitchen making dinner and watching all three children. The three children that would surely end up wherever I was taking my break. And the husband who may get exasperated in the kitchen. What I was envisioning wasn't much of a break.
Then he continued, "You'd have to leave the house. And you can't run errands. You could go to the fabric store, get some coffee and read a book, go shopping... "
Yes. He actually said those things. An offer like this is not a regular occurence at my house. I was nearly speechless.
"Well, YEAH. That would absolutely be a blessing. I would love that!"
And so I had two days to look forward to this break. (Which is part of the gift, in my opinion. The having-time-to-anticipate it.)
On Tuesday afternoon, Mark asked, "What time would you like to eat dinner?"
I said, "5:30". He said "It will be ready."
I left the house at around 3:45, heading for the fabric store.
At 5:20 I was home, and found Mark in the kitchen, dinner nearly ready, the table nearly set, and the children happily playing. We ate a delicious meal. As we ate, I tried to express my gratitude for such a gift (such a gift, by the way, that he is offering not once a year or once a month, even. But once a week!?!?!). I was searching for a word to describe how great it was but couldn't find it. So I said things like, "I feel like a queen..., this is just so huge..., such a luxury..." Mark smiled and was clearly delighted to have blessed me so much.
Later, he was cleaning up the kitchen (having instructed me not to even think of cleaning up; he would do it!!!), and again I tried to find the word. This time, I thought of it. Extravagant. I felt overwhelmed; this gift seemed so extravagant to a practical girl like me.
It was at that moment that I remembered something.
About a week prior to that I'd been reading about God's love for us. How full; how lavish His love is.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Eph. 3:17-19)
One of the questions in my Bible study was this:
If you can't think of an occasion when you felt lavished in the love of God, ask Him to make you more aware. God's love is demonstrative. Ask Him to widen your spiritual vision so that you can behold unexpected evidences of God's amazing love.
So I did that. I asked God to make me more aware of the magnitude of His love for me.
I'd forgotten I had asked Him. Until that moment.
Sitting at the kitchen table, expressing to Mark how grateful I was for the extravagance of his love for me, I remembered. It was then that I recognized that this was God's love for me, expressed through my husband. That extravagant, overwhelming-to-me, lavish gift was God's gift to a tired mama of three little ones. To me, Stacy. His child whom He loves so deeply.
---
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ~Matthew 7:7-11
I envisioned trying to take a break in our house while he was in the kitchen making dinner and watching all three children. The three children that would surely end up wherever I was taking my break. And the husband who may get exasperated in the kitchen. What I was envisioning wasn't much of a break.
Then he continued, "You'd have to leave the house. And you can't run errands. You could go to the fabric store, get some coffee and read a book, go shopping... "
Yes. He actually said those things. An offer like this is not a regular occurence at my house. I was nearly speechless.
"Well, YEAH. That would absolutely be a blessing. I would love that!"
And so I had two days to look forward to this break. (Which is part of the gift, in my opinion. The having-time-to-anticipate it.)
On Tuesday afternoon, Mark asked, "What time would you like to eat dinner?"
I said, "5:30". He said "It will be ready."
I left the house at around 3:45, heading for the fabric store.
At 5:20 I was home, and found Mark in the kitchen, dinner nearly ready, the table nearly set, and the children happily playing. We ate a delicious meal. As we ate, I tried to express my gratitude for such a gift (such a gift, by the way, that he is offering not once a year or once a month, even. But once a week!?!?!). I was searching for a word to describe how great it was but couldn't find it. So I said things like, "I feel like a queen..., this is just so huge..., such a luxury..." Mark smiled and was clearly delighted to have blessed me so much.
Later, he was cleaning up the kitchen (having instructed me not to even think of cleaning up; he would do it!!!), and again I tried to find the word. This time, I thought of it. Extravagant. I felt overwhelmed; this gift seemed so extravagant to a practical girl like me.
It was at that moment that I remembered something.
About a week prior to that I'd been reading about God's love for us. How full; how lavish His love is.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Eph. 3:17-19)
One of the questions in my Bible study was this:
If you can't think of an occasion when you felt lavished in the love of God, ask Him to make you more aware. God's love is demonstrative. Ask Him to widen your spiritual vision so that you can behold unexpected evidences of God's amazing love.
So I did that. I asked God to make me more aware of the magnitude of His love for me.
I'd forgotten I had asked Him. Until that moment.
Sitting at the kitchen table, expressing to Mark how grateful I was for the extravagance of his love for me, I remembered. It was then that I recognized that this was God's love for me, expressed through my husband. That extravagant, overwhelming-to-me, lavish gift was God's gift to a tired mama of three little ones. To me, Stacy. His child whom He loves so deeply.
---
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ~Matthew 7:7-11
Still thanking Him...
...sinking my bare feet into fluffy bath rugs...a newly mopped floor...Mark's clean-shaven face...our kitchen table...the shelter of our home on a cold day... that gust of warm air that greets me as I step in from the cold ...kids who crawl into bed with us on early mornings...whispering children in church...our porch swing...our oven...Christmas shopping almost done!...grocery carts with room for two children...our digital camera... naps/quiet time at our house...my boys' brown eyes...Mark's Bible stories with the kids at bedtime... very little debt...Mark's faithfulness...authenticity in others...hardwood floors...my wedding ring...Marks' wedding band...inside jokes within our family... the hope of heaven...the gift of rest on the Sabbath...Amy's pregnancy...board games with Mark...
Praying for the nations
When we were in the process of adopting our son from Guatemala, we bought a set of maps at Costco. We put the world map on top of our table and then covered it with a clear tablecloth. We spent a lot of time pointing to Guatemala on the map, and showing our children where it was in relation to where we live, and talking about how daddy and mommy would go there to pick up their new baby brother. In addition to all the attention Guatemala got, our map made for great conversation when we had guests over. Where have you been? Where would you most like to visit? Where do you not have a desire to travel, ever? Which country would you like to learn more about? Which country would you adopt from?
I soon tired of it covering our table, so I moved it. (Perhaps because my husband's favorite game was to quiz me on geography and countries, and I tell you, those are not my gifts. :))
It now hangs on the wall near our kitchen table. We're using it for something a little different these days...
We came home one night recently after hearing the Uganda Children's Choir sing. Our children were anxious to talk about the children from Uganda; what they looked like, how they sang and danced, and where was Uganda? I said we would find it on the map when we got home. And then I suggested that we should remember to pray for the country of Uganda, because so many of the children there are homeless and orphaned. The following night we pointed out Uganda on the map, and prayed after dinner for the people of Uganda.
This experience made me think: we should do this more often. So I ordered the book Operation World by Patrick Johnstone.
For those of you who aren't familiar with this book, Operation World is a global prayer guide. It is a wonderful resource that informs readers how to most effectively pray for each country.
We've begun using it in conjunction with our map, to pray for people around the world. My original idea was to have one of our children choose a country- by pointing on the map- each night as we sat down to dinner. Then after dinner, Mark or I would thumb through the pages for that country and choose one or two prayer requests, share them with our children, and go around the table, each of us taking our turn to pray for the needs of that particular country.
My original plan of every-night-after-dinner isn't happening. After all, we're still trying to get into the habit of having family devotions after dinner, too. And we often forget that. I suggested to my husband that we do it every other night (the night we're not doing family devotions, we'll pray). But so far we're averaging about once a week. (Which is more than what we were doing before!)
We have prayed for the countries of Uganda, Russia, Brazil, Japan, Madagascar and Canada-- each at the request of one of our children.
There is such value in giving our children a heart for the nations; in taking their eyes off the world as they know it and praying for those who are orphaned, dying, living in tremendous poverty, and worshipping other gods. It has been a joy for us to hear the prayers offered up by our children on behalf of the people from these countries.
I soon tired of it covering our table, so I moved it. (Perhaps because my husband's favorite game was to quiz me on geography and countries, and I tell you, those are not my gifts. :))
It now hangs on the wall near our kitchen table. We're using it for something a little different these days...
We came home one night recently after hearing the Uganda Children's Choir sing. Our children were anxious to talk about the children from Uganda; what they looked like, how they sang and danced, and where was Uganda? I said we would find it on the map when we got home. And then I suggested that we should remember to pray for the country of Uganda, because so many of the children there are homeless and orphaned. The following night we pointed out Uganda on the map, and prayed after dinner for the people of Uganda.
This experience made me think: we should do this more often. So I ordered the book Operation World by Patrick Johnstone.
For those of you who aren't familiar with this book, Operation World is a global prayer guide. It is a wonderful resource that informs readers how to most effectively pray for each country.
We've begun using it in conjunction with our map, to pray for people around the world. My original idea was to have one of our children choose a country- by pointing on the map- each night as we sat down to dinner. Then after dinner, Mark or I would thumb through the pages for that country and choose one or two prayer requests, share them with our children, and go around the table, each of us taking our turn to pray for the needs of that particular country.
My original plan of every-night-after-dinner isn't happening. After all, we're still trying to get into the habit of having family devotions after dinner, too. And we often forget that. I suggested to my husband that we do it every other night (the night we're not doing family devotions, we'll pray). But so far we're averaging about once a week. (Which is more than what we were doing before!)
We have prayed for the countries of Uganda, Russia, Brazil, Japan, Madagascar and Canada-- each at the request of one of our children.
There is such value in giving our children a heart for the nations; in taking their eyes off the world as they know it and praying for those who are orphaned, dying, living in tremendous poverty, and worshipping other gods. It has been a joy for us to hear the prayers offered up by our children on behalf of the people from these countries.
