Roll to the Middle

The other night I was feeling crabby at Mark.

The details aren't important, but when he pulled back the covers on his side of the bed, I was upset and he knew it.  (He had walked in a few minutes earlier and asked if I was mad at him.  I'd said no but my eyes and body language said otherwise.)  As he settled into bed beside me, I was turned away from him and was spending my time silently musing over all the reasons I was justified in feeling hurt by his actions.

I half-expected him to reach out to me, cautiously settling his hand on my waist-- because he usually does, but I also knew if he did that I would shrug his hand off.  (He probably guessed that would be my reaction, too, which is maybe why he didn't.) 

Minutes passed, and as I lay there I thought of some lines from the song by Sara Groves called Roll to the Middle.  I'll include the lyrics here if you're not familiar with the song:

We just had a World War III here in our kitchen
We both thought the meanest things
And then we both said them
We shot at each other till we lost ammunition

This is how I know our love
This is when I feel it’s power
Here in the absence of it
This is my darkest hour
When both of us are hunkered down
And waiting for the truce

All the complicated wars
They end pretty simple
Here when the lights go down
We roll to the middle

No matter how my pride resists
No matter how this wall feels true
No matter how I can’t be sure
That you’re gonna roll in too
No matter what, no matter what
I’m going to reach for you

And I had the thought, "One of us should roll to the middle; relent, reach out to the other right about now."  (But I didn't want it to be me, of course, so I remained seething on my side of the bed.) 

And then it occurred to me: Mark was already "rolled to the middle"; he was facing me, available for conversation, it was me with the walls up.  So I bit back my pride and rolled over and reached out to him and we began talking.  And all became well again.

I love that last verse of the song: No matter how my pride resists, no matter how this wall feels true, .... no matter what, no matter what, I'm going to reach for you. 

I'm so thankful to be married to this man who is always sure to have rolled to the middle first, who is quick to reach out to me.  He is so good to me, and is a constant reminder to me of God's tender love and mercy toward me, who is so undeserving of it. 

Life (around our home and garden)

Hello, dear friends. I hope you are all well.  (Today it seems I have time to put up a blog post!)

We finished school over a month ago.  I say "finished" which really means I was all done, so I ended with the little girls and supplied the older three with a list of what I wanted them to complete for the year (mostly math lessons).  Last time I checked, one of them had finished their list and the other two are nearly there....  and I'm okay with that. 

I have yet to do our end-of-the-year evaluations or testing, so I need to do those sometime soon.... but for NOW I am enjoying rest and summer and gardening.  And the older kids are enjoying sleeping in.  Our teens (Ella and Isaac) really love to stay up late, talking to us and snacking and then head to bed and reading for another hour or two, and then sleeping in until afternoon.  It's summer so I am happy for them but am wondering how they'll transition back to real life in the fall.

Ella finished Driver's Ed in June, so she's happily driving us all around town with her permit, when she's not babysitting, which she loves to do.

Here is what else has been going on around the home front.  We planted our garden late May.  Here's a photo right after planting:

(I'll try to get an updated picture because it does NOT look like this now at all.)
 
Each of the kids chose a crop this year again:
Ella | carrots + romaine 
Isaac | cucumbers + lettuces
Isaias | beans
Adelia | sugar snap peas 
Audra | flowers

They are responsible for caring for their little sections of the garden and as they harvest (and as I use or enjoy their harvest), I will pay them.

In addition to what the kids have going, I added tomatoes.  They have been my favorite to plant for the past couple of years, so this year I went all out and purchased several varieties to see what grows well and what I like best. In addition to my standard choice of Sun Gold cherry tomatoes, I also potted two of each of the following varieties:

Cherokee Purple (Heirloom)
Brandywine
La Roma
San Marzano
Early Girl

Happy tomatoes in the garden.

(For whatever reason, in my (very limited) experience, tomatoes seem to do better in pots than directly planted in the ground, so my garden is full of pots of tomatoes.  I had placed some pots in other areas around our patio and back garden, but the ones in our garden space were doing so much better that I've since moved all of the pots into our garden space.  It's a wee bit crowded in there but I'm hoping they'll all thrive now.)

My first bouquet of peonies this spring.  I love them so much!

I decided this year that I wanted to use our back garden (which in previous years has been planted with corn or pumpkins or squash) as a cutting garden, so I did a bit of research and decided to go with zinnias and dahlias this trial year.  Here's a picture of our back garden space all ready for planting (props to Mark, for throwing up walls to hold the dirt):

I purchased my zinnia seeds from Johnny's Seeds in early April, ordering:
Benary's Giant Lime
Giant Dahlia Flowered Mix
Queen Red Lime
Oklahoma Pink

I started them indoors under a grow light and when they got tall enough, gradually introduced them to the outdoors. Then I moved them for a couple of weeks to these pots until planting into the ground:

And just this week, snapped this picture:

(Those are my dahlias in the foreground.  I have two (Melody Dora and Claudette) that are SO happy and one (Cafe au Lait) that keeps wanting to die on me, which is of course the one I was MOST excited to see bloom!  Gr.) 

My zinnias that are about a foot and a half tall now.  Two have flowers already and many are nearly-there.  However, according to my best resource on this subject, (this website: Floret Flowers, and her beautiful book Cut Flower Garden) it's time for me to pinch those flowers and I'm procrastinating because it's so hard to think of removing those precious flowers!  I am assured that pinching encourages the plants to begin branching low and will ultimately produce longer stems and perhaps more blooms. It's on my list for this week.

The other really exciting news around our little backyard garden and farm is that in the nearly-ten years that we've been keeping chickens, we have always wanted to allow one of our hens to be a mama.  We can't have a rooster in the city so we never have fertilized eggs, but occasionally we will have a hen (usually one of our Buffs) go broody on us and we've wished we could get ahold of some fertilized eggs for her.  Well, this year the opportunity presented itself-- a co-worker of Mark's mentioned that she had eggs and we had a broody Buff-- our sweet old Elizabeth-- and so we jumped at the opportunity.  She had been broody for five days already and then we set twelve eggs beneath her.  We marked them with an "x".  (Note: I cringed at the number Mark brought home because I was a bit terrified that all twelve might hatch and we do NOT need twelve more chickens in our yard (!!!)

It was a bit tricky because Elizabeth was sitting in the favored nesting box, so the other hens kept trying to wrangle their way in to lay, but she patiently shared space with them and kept sitting.  She was such a good mama.  She would get up and come out once a day for about five minutes to stretch, drink a lot of water, and eat a bit, and then she'd be back in to settle on her eggs.  A few eggs were broken in the process, so we would remove those and any (unmarked) eggs our other hens were laying. 

A chick has about a 21-day life cycle, so when it had been about 19 days of her sitting on the eggs, we began watching more closely.  It was at this point that she stopped coming out for food or water at all, and we also closed off the back of the nesting box so that the other hens would stop pestering her.  Then we kept running out and checking on her, offering her water and telling her what a good job she was doing, and listening for little peeps. 

On the 23rd of June we heard peeping and saw one little head.  A bit later we saw two.... then three... and out of the seven eggs Elizabeth was still sitting on, six ended up hatching.  They were adorable, poking their little heads out from her feathers!  Audra (8) pretty much camped outside her nesting box for days.  Elizabeth stayed put in the nesting box for a couple of days until all had hatched (she kept sitting on #7 for a full day but then eventually got up and left it, and sure enough, when we checked, the baby chick had died at some point within the egg).

This was her a few days ago: 

It has been so fun for us to watch her with her chicks.  I keep telling Mark that I doubt any family has had as much joy as we have watching this whole process.  It has been such a delight.  She is such a good mama, those first few days, breaking up their food and setting it before them, clucking to them and nudging them to eat and drink and now teaching them to forage.  It's my favorite thing to watch how she'll call them her side and they will duck underneath her feathers for safety or at nighttime.  And also I love this stage (above) of them climbing all over her.  

One more thing before I end this ever-long blog post: Mark and I were able to get away recently (to the ocean, of course; my happy place) to celebrate our 20th anniversary!  I am so thankful for this man.  He remains my best friend and I love doing life with him.  It is a good thing, marriage, and I am so thankful to God for blessing us with the gift of one another and the grace to live out each day of these past twenty years. 

~

Love to you and yours!  I'd love to hear from you if you're able to say hi in the comments.  :)

Celebrating NINETEEN

My Facebook status on our anniversary read:
Celebrating NINETEEN (!!!) years of marriage to Mark.  He loves me so well, and I am so thankful to God for him. He's the finest man I know and the most patient guy in the universe. He has integrity; he is faithful and thoughtful and he is a servant-leader. AND he's romantic, silly, kind-hearted, forgiving, and my best friend in the world. Loving you, Mark.  So thankful to be your wife!

There is so much more than can be posted in a status update or even a blog post.  I feel like I can never accurately express how thankful I am for Mark, or how happily married I am, but I just am.  I even hesitate slightly to say that- about being happily married-- because I know there are so many who are struggling in marriage.  And I don't want it to sound like we have no issues, either.  Because we do.  We're both sinful people and we know it.  He sees my failings very up close and I see his.  And yet we continue to pursue each other with intention and love because we covenanted before God to do so.  And because He strengthens us to do so.

Throughout these past nineteen years, we have walked through some valleys together-- we have felt the deep heartache of infertility, we struggled for years in an area of our intimacy, we have adopted children from hard places that come with their own (invisible-to-most) special needs, we have lost friends and family members and we have grieved the loss of two of our own babies.  These have been very dark seasons.  And yet: by the grace of God we have turned toward Him and toward one another.  He has held us; He has kept us.  I am so thankful.

And so much more than the difficulties, there has been joy, and blessings too numerous to count.  My heart is full.  I am daily grateful for the opportunity to continue to love this man of mine well.

We generally go away every year for a couple of nights-- to the ocean, to celebrate.  But this year we couldn't figure out childcare, so we packed all the kids along with us and had a family vacation instead.  (Hence, Audra in the photo below.) 

Happy Birthday to my husband

(That handsome man of mine in the photo below has a birthday today.)

Mark- Happy birthday to you.  I am so incredibly blessed to be your wife. You are the finest man I know, and my favorite person to be with.

So, because you are now 46, and in celebration of you, here are 46 things I love about you:

1. You love God.
2. You are kind.
3. You are such a great daddy to our kids.
4. You are affectionate with me and with them.
5. You are silly and make us all laugh.
6. You like good music, and have a song or lyric ready for every situation.
7. You like puzzles and board games, and are my favorite person to play games with.
8. You're a good listener.
9.  You care about people.
10.  You're a good friend.
11. You have a heart for the orphans.
12. You are generous with what you have.
13. You are a hard worker.
14. You're smart. (You know a lot about a lot of things.  Like geographical locations and history and dates and math and science and the way things work.  I love that about you.)
15. You are humble.
16. You have integrity.
17.  You are trustworthy.
18. You love football.  (Specifically, the Steelers.  And you get all excited about them and I love that about you.)
19. You see something that needs to be done, and do it. (ie- you are constantly picking up after our kids.  And me. Thank you.)
20. You have a bowl of ice cream practically every night. 
21. You heat my rice bag for me each night so that my feet can be warm and cozy.
22. You love me well.
23. You are faithful.
24. You know how to play, and play well with our kids. (LEGO, dollhouse, made-up games on the fly)
25. You think before you speak.
26. You are rarely angry.
27. You pray for the people you deliver mail to.
28. You love the elderly.
29. You like to do yard work and gardening.
30. You encourage me and our kids.
31.  You compliment me all the time.
32. You have all sorts of facts and stats about baseball and football players stored in your brain.
33. You would rather give than take.
34. You want people to know Jesus.
35. You have a lot of common sense.
36. You give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
37. You are gracious.
38. You are thoughtful of the feelings of others.
39. You are wise.
40. You smile easily.
41. You prioritize us- me and the kids.
42. You are patient.
43. You are game for anything I come up with: "Let's all go for a bike ride!" (when you're still lying in bed in the morning on your day off.  ;))  "Let's rearrange the living room/bedroom/girls' room!", etc)
44. You love children and babies and you're good with them- not just ours.
45. You are strong in spirit.
46. You are selfless; always considering others before yourself.

I love you, Mark.

My Papered Life

This week we cleaned out our bedroom.  This is a major feat.  Some of you may have nice and tidy bedrooms, but we positively do NOT.  Our room is the catch-all room in our home, and serves as an office and storage room in addition to being where we sleep and store our clothing and a lot of books.  And I rarely ever have (make?) time to clean it. 

We went away for our anniversary (yay!) and stayed in our favorite inn on the Oregon coast. As we left our room that final day, I pondered how restful and peaceful and tidy it was, and resolved to do something about our room when we got home.  I had a vision and a plan, and it came to fruition this week.  It involved making some decisions like this may be a nice big dresser but it doesn't fit this space, and yes, we love books, but we don't need two bookshelves in our room, and it involved moving out four major pieces of furniture and repainting an old dresser and rearranging and a whole lot of sorting through things.

Mostly PAPERS.

There is just a lot of paper in my life.

Yesterday I sat down before a HUGE stack of papers with an iced latte nearby and sorted.  I recycled some and divvied the rest into piles I wanted to save, and it occurred to me that you can tell a lot about a person from their sorted papers. This is what I found as I sorted:

- drawings, pictures, notes and cards from my kids.  Oh so many of these.  I love this. And while I don't save every one, I do save a lot of them, simply because they delight me, and every time I look through them they bring me joy.  I saw so many I love you's and mommy's and misspellings and little drawings particular to each of the kids that are so *them* and long letters from my sweet Ella and my heart was full.

my most recent box of smaller letters, cards and notes. (most of the kids' drawings went into another box that both Mark and I add to)

-cards and notes and letters from Mark.  I was overwhelmed.  I am so blessed.  This guy loves me well.  And he excels in this area.  He expresses his love for me so well on paper, and these expressions of his heart to me?  I treasure them.

-verses copied down on various scraps of paper: some laminated, some all prettied up with markers, some mounted on card stock.  God's words, written down for memory or reminder.  Most of them for me, but some of them for the kids, too.

-homeschooling-related lists or ideas or plans: school-planning lists, book lists I'd jotted down, daily schedules and daily index cards, some printables and worksheets I'd printed out and had gotten lost in the shuffle.

-devotional papers: so, prayer lists and categories I want to be praying for, and Bible studies printed out, study tips and notes.

-recipes and meal plans and grocery lists

Yep.  That about sums up my life.  :)

What kinds of papers would you find?  Or am I the only one who is still attached to paper in this digital world?  ;)  And if anyone has any paper organizational tips, go ahead and send them my way. :)  I have several piles now (see above list) that I need to find a home for.

And not in our bedroom!

ps: our bedroom looks so nice and tidy and I LOVE IT.

Celebrating eighteen

This weekend marks eighteen years of marriage to my man.  Eighteen! 

Years ago, when we were dating, I asked God if Mark was *the one*.  I was fearful.  I wanted to be SURE.  I had been just a little girl when my dad walked out on my mom, then divorced her.   I was too young to understand it all, and yet that act of abandonment left a mark on me.

I said yes to Mark because I trusted him.  I loved him, deeply.  And he was my best friend.  But above all?  I trusted him.

Even so, I approached marriage with fear and insecurity~ certain, somehow that I wouldn't be enough, that I wouldn't be able to "keep" him.  My greatest fear was that he would leave me for someone else.  My heart was fragile.

And in God's great lovingkindness, because He knew the state of my heart, He knew just the kind of husband I needed, He gave me Mark: steady, faithful, loving, tender, kind.

he's my favorite

Mark has tenderly, patiently, persistently, graciously loved me in my worst moments.  He has faithfully pursued this heart of mine.  In our early years of marriage when I wanted to run away from a fight, he followed me.  When I have thrown harsh, sarcastic, hurtful words his way, he has responded slowly, and with kind words, and in love.  He always sees the best of me, not the worst.  When I am at my ugliest-- cruel and hurtful, he chooses to see the Stacy beneath the ugly, and speaks love to her.

He wooed me while we were dating with cards, notes, flowers and dates.  He has wooed me in our marriage with his patient, steady love and presence.  He has served me selflessly and tirelessly- doing dishes, getting up with the kids during all hours of the night, working so hard every day to provide for our family so that I get to stay at home.  He listens to my endless stories and ventings.  He prays for me.  He is my greatest comfort besides Jesus.  He tells me I am beautiful every single day- (and I have learned that he actually means it!)  He tells me he's still "smitten" (his word) with me after all these years.  He comes up behind me when I'm washing dishes and whispers love into my ear. He still makes me a cd every year for Valentines Day- full of songs that declare his love.  He still buys me flowers and he still writes me cards.

He loves me well.  This marriage we have?  It is a beautiful treasure. 

And Mark's love for me is such a picture to me of Jesus' love for me.  I am so thankful.  So blessed.

Happy Anniversary to you, my beloved.  (When you happen upon this post in a week or two... ;))
I love you.

L'Engle on Marriage

I just finished reading Madeleine L'Engle's book Two-Part Invention: The Story of a Marriage.  I really enjoyed it, mostly because it's about marriage and I love being married to Mark.

Here is just one of the quotes I copied down into my commonplace book:

I loved my children, but I hungered for adult conversation.  One day after a rare evening alone I wrote: I keep thinking about the evening we had together last night, my darling husband, alone by candlelight and firelight, and the way we were able to talk.  We are practically never alone together and this is a bad thing.  No matter how much we love our children there are many things we cannot talk about in front of them, things that we need from time to time say.  Let us try to remember for their sakes as well as ours that every once in awhile for our development we must be alone.

Amen to that.  :)

(This desire for conversation- just the two of us- is why Mark and I stay up so late every night.  Of course, now that our older kids stay up later, Mark and I have to stay up even later than we used to in order to get time together alone.  But it's worth it.) 

Madeleine adjusted her hours to her husband's work schedule.  He was an actor, and theatre hours meant that her husband would get home at 2 am.  She simply adjusted her schedule (and even her kids' schedules, after they had children) so that she would be awake when he arrived home, thereby allowing them to have time together.

It's a good reminder to me that prioritizing our marriage- and specifically, time alone together- doesn't come without sacrifice, but it is so important.   

Anniversary questions

Our anniversary is at the end of the month (17 years!) and we already went away to celebrate together. We went to the ocean-- and had a wonderful time.  It was restful and romantic.  We ate good food, played games (Arms & Legs and Scrabble), talked a LOT, listened to good music, walked on the beach for hours, watched a movie together and ate ice cream.  So pretty much perfect.  Oh.  And the weather was BEAUTIFUL.

I love time away with Mark, and especially all that time to communicate without five interrupters!  Many times when we go away together, I jot down some questions in my journal to ask him.  I try to look at each role in his life and ask questions around each one.  I take notes, too, as he answers, so that I know how to best pray for him or follow up with him.  Here are this year's questions:

{relationship with God}
What is one strength or praise this year in your relationship with God?
What is one weakness this year in your relationship with God?
In what areas would you like to grow this year?- think practically
Something you learned about God this year?
Verse or passage that was memorable to you this past year?

{us/our relationship}
What were our strengths this year/what did we do right?
What were our weaknesses/areas for growth?
What are our plans to make those things ^ happen?
Best memories (up to 3)?
Two hardest things we faced together?
How could I have/can I still love you better through those hard things?
One thing I did to make you happy?
Something I do that makes you feel respected?
One thing I did that makes you crabby?
If there was one thing you could change about our nighttime routine, what would it be?
If there was one thing you would add to our daily routine, what would it be?
Best thing about our sex life?
Growth area for sex?

{kids}
Favorite memory with.... (each child)
What are your current or ongoing challenges/frustrations with.... (each child)
If you had more time with.... (each child).... what would you do with him/her?
What area do you think.... (each child) needs to be affirmed/encouraged in?
What is our plan to do this?
What is one trip you'd like to take/thing you'd like to do together this year as a family?
What are some ways you see us serving as a family?

{work}
Most frustrating thing?
Most memorable moment?
Relationship(s) you'd like to invest in/plan for that to happen?
How can I pray for you?

{homeschool} I purposefully made this section short, because we have a homeschool planning day coming up together and we do a homeschool evaluation then.
First three words that come to mind when you hear the word "homeschool".
Two things you'd like to see happen this coming year.

{extended family/friends}
Name three couples/families you want to have over for dinner this year?
Any goals for time spent with your parents or siblings?  Plans to meet those goals:

{house}
What ONE project would you like to complete....
...indoors?
...outdoors?
What two areas of the house would you like to see cleaner?

{finances}
Name two things you would like us to in terms of our finances this next year.

{hobbies/misc}
Favorite song this year?
Favorite podcast?
Do you need more alone time?

A threefold cord

Last night Mark and I had this conversation:

(me)  Honey, do you realize that I get asked a question every four seconds?

(Mark)  Yes.  I do.  When will you figure out that you should just adopt my strategy, which is just NOT TO ANSWER their questions?

It's kind of true.  Sometimes he'll just delay answering and they'll either
a) give up and go away, or
b) figure it out for themselves, or
c) persist, and then he'll answer

I personally don't want to hear the same question (or the persistent, "Mommyyyyy!") four times before I answer.  I might literally go crazy.  So I just answer right away.

I love them.  So much.  But all the talking and questions, it's exhausting sometimes.

***

Today Mark had the day off.  I had Bible study this morning, and the kids had piano lessons afterward.  Mark told me to go to Bible study and then take a break, so I did. 

And this is what I did for my break:  I lingered after Bible study and visited with the ladies there for about half an hour. 

Then I went to a nearby scrapbook store and bought some fun new paper and some washi tape. 

Then I went to a cafe and had coffee and lunch and just sat there and journaled. 

As I drove from place to place, I was able to listen to the Valentines CD Mark made for me.  I was able to listen through an entire song without having to turn down the volume to answer a question or respond to someone chatting with me. 

Then I went to a bookstore to pick up the British Country Living magazine, which is my favorite.(About twice a year, I'll splurge and buy one.)  But they didn't carry it, so I just browsed.  I walked around and jotted down some book titles or authors to check out at the library (because I'm cheap that way). 

Then I wandered around another shop that has mainly cards and gift items. 

And then I drove to the consignment store and tried on a few things but didn't get anything. 

I did all of those things all by myself.

No one asked me a question that entire time. 

The quiet was refreshing.

And then I came home. 

***

One of the songs Mark put on my CD is a song by Josh Garrels called Bread & Wine.  I love that song.  This verse is my favorite:

And if I fall, I fall alone
But you can help to bear the load
A threefold cord is hard to break
And all I have I give to you
If you will share your sorrow too
Then joy will be the crown upon our heads, my friend

You really have to hear the song to appreciate it.  It reminded me of how grateful I am for Mark.  I'm thankful that he's my best friend, that he shares this life with me; that he weaves his heart into mine (another phrase from that song).  I am so thankful that we are a threefold cord: God and Mark and me.  And that we're strong because of that.  I am thankful that we share sorrows and joys.  I'm so thankful that God has given me the gift of someone to share it all with.  I am married to a fine man, and I love him and I am grateful for him every single day.

Daybook: Saturday, June 22

I am thankful for...  Sixteen years of marriage to Mark.  We celebrated by going away for two nights together.  I keep thinking of God's presence with us throughout these sixteen years- how faithful He has been, how many prayers He has answered, how He has held us and comforted us so many times, how He has transformed us and grown us in so many ways.  I am just so thankful to be married to such a fine man, one who fears God and loves me so well. 
   

I am thinking about... the chocolate mousse leftover in the fridge.  Last night I made a triple-batch so that we could share our anniversary-dessert with the kids.  I am so having some more tonight.

In the schoolroom... nothing is happening.  Well, we're still doing our read-alouds, but other than that we're doing nothing.  We did get the kids' test results in, though- and of course they're brilliant. 

In the garden... lots of lettuce!  Everything else is looking good and growing as it should.  The rhubarb is winding down.  Our strawberries are happily growing and the kids are munching on them daily.  Our raspberries are just beginning. 

In the kitchen... lots of jam.  We went strawberry picking today as a family, and brought home 25 lbs of strawberries.  We filled four big trays of strawberries to freeze and then bag up (for smoothies) and ended with 14 jars of freezer jam and 10 jars of canned strawberry-rhubarb jam.  We also have a huge bowl of sliced berries in the fridge to eat within the next day or two.  Next up: raspberry jam! (my personal favorite).

I am creating... Well, I'm trying to create a sweater for Ella (by way of knitting it), but I am having a lot of trouble figuring out this new-to-me pattern.  I've lost count of how many times I've had to rip out whatever progress I'd made.  So I'm on a break from creating that for now.  And before I start it up again- (I'm giving it one final go before I search for a different pattern)- I am going to pray over it and ask God to help me see where I've erred in my previous attempts or just miraculously allow me to end up with the correct stitch count on certain rows where I'm not.  ~sigh~ 

I am reading... The Hiding Place to the kids.  Oh, how I love this book!  I am just so encouraged and inspired by the ministry of the ten Boom family and of the wisdom of Father ten Boom.  I love him.   And the kids are loving the book so far, too-- always pleading with me to read just a little more, which is always the sign of a good read-aloud.  

I'm also reading Laying Down the Rails, which is an excellent resource on instilling good habits in your children, Charlotte Mason-style.  One of the goals I have for next year is to choose one habit per child to really work diligently on with them.  (I'm planning to choose one for myself, too!)  I'm also reading Lynn Austin's latest book (fiction) and reading through the book of Matthew right now. 

I am praying... for Cutzi, who is having her baby early- at 33 weeks.  For family and friends who are struggling.  Always for wisdom in parenting, and patience, kindness and a gentle and a quiet spirit, for me.


That's it for today! 
Blessings to all of you~
~Stacy

Valentines Day, 2013

I remember one Valentines Day in particular when my mom purchased gifts for me and my sister:  just little gold heart rings, but I treasured that ring and her love expressed to me through that gift.  Usually we didn't receive gifts for Valentines Day so it was extra special.

I thought about that when I was at the store last night and decided to get little gifts for my kids for today, too-- to make it a special day for them, just because I love them.

So I bought each of them one of those giant bubble wands at Target and some chocolates, and I made them each a valentine card.  I set them out on the table so they'd find them in the morning.

Then I decorated a bit.  (Audra has been seeing Valentines decorations up in stores and keeps asking why we haven't decorated.  I don't usually decorate for Valentines Day, but in her 3-year old mind-- just coming out of Christmas season, when we very much DO decorate, she apparently thought we ought to.)  So last night, while Mark was working on a home project, I cut out some hearts from felt in white, pink and red and strung up a little bunting over the mantel.

At breakfast we thanked Jesus for His great love for us- and asked for the grace to love one another because He first loved us. 

Then we delivered a mocha shake and scones to daddy on his route.

Lemon scones

My mom texted this morning to ask if the kids would like to come help her decorate some cookies, (at which point I decided we were skipping school for the day!) Of course they wanted to (!) so off they went, down the street to grandma's house. 

We came home in time for lunch and these pretzels-- but shaped them into hearts.

I've been listening to the Valentines CD Mark made me- and makes me every year (this is the 20th CD he's compiled for me!  The first few he made me were actually cassette tapes.  :))  I'm enjoying that and especially his notes to me on why he chose each song for the CD- because that part is basically a love letter.  I'm so thankful for the husband God has given me in Mark.  Our marriage and our love for one another is such a gift from God and definitely something to celebrate!

What are you up to today?

Happy Valentines Day to YOU!

January 9th

I think about 99% of photos of us together are like this- Mark holding out his arm to take the shot.

Nineteen years ago, on a cold Sunday afternoon, a guy I was friends with stopped by my college residence and asked if I'd like to take a walk with him.  I agreed.  As we walked, he talked- and he told me that while he'd met girls before who were nice or friendly, and seen girls who were pretty or fun to be with, and he'd met girls he had admired before-- he had never met a girl who was all of those things in one package.  It took me a few minutes to realize that he was talking about ME.  Once I got that figured out, he asked me if he could start dating me. 

I said yes.  

I love that guy. 

Oh!  But here's one someone else took! 

We always acknowledge January 9th because of that life-altering walk through our college campus together: the one we began as friends and ended as more-than-friends.

Happy 9th, Mark!  {Thanks for noticing me and being so brave to ask me out.  I'm glad you did.}

P is for pie

We discovered some blackberries near our home and went picking yesterday.  I love blackberries, and am so thankful God grows them free for our picking.  The kids were troopers- and braved the thorny branches with cheer.  They were good pickers, too!

our bounty

washed and ready

rolling out the pie dough.  {if it weren't for this step right here i'd make a lot more pies!}

ready for the oven

while the blackberry pie was baking, we began the apple pie {and some helpers showed up!  isaac rolled out the dough and ella mixed the appes + other ingredients and tucked them into the pie crust}

peeking

done.  {you'll notice the apple has a crumb crust.  i couldn't bear to roll out a fourth crust.}

Remember awhile ago I told you that Mark and I were having themed date nights, according to the letters of the alphabet?  It was my week, and we've made it to the letter P.   (Hence, the pies.)  Baked goods (with sugar) are one of Mark's love languages, and apple pie is his very, very favorite dessert.

He was pleased. 

The Four Stages: Revisited

Awhile ago I shared that Mark and I are in this stage of communication: 

Stage 4: Talk to your husband?! What is that?  Because there are all these other little people talking or interrupting CONSTANTLY.  You can't even *think*, let alone have a conversation. 

From the sounds of it, a lot of you are there, too.

It has been a challenge for us to try to figure out ways to maintain a good level of communication-- which I would define as: uninterrupted time to talk; the opportunity to share on a deeper level than just the daily conversations surrounding the management of the house and kids.

Just so you know, we're not experts by any means.  We are smack dab in the middle of this stage, struggling to figure it out ourselves.  I do feel so blessed to have witnessed solid, faithful, decades-and-decades-long marriages in two sets of grandparents and in my mom and step-dad.  I have also seen the devastation of divorce- years ago- with my mom and biological dad.  I  know that my parents' divorce has shaped me and has made me even more purposeful and protective of my own marriage.

Here are two reasons I think this communication-thing is so important:

1) Titus 2 talks about how the older women are to train the younger women (that would be me) to love their husbands.  I can't love my husband very well if we're not communicating; if I don't know him, if I'm not working to strengthen and nurture our relationship.  It's my responsibility as a wife to do so.

2) The enemy prowls around, like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.  His goal is to kill, steal and destroy.  I see so clearly that he is working to destroy Christian marriages, and while that should not make us fearful (because greater is HE who is in us than he who is in the world!), I think we need to recognize that there's a spiritual battle going on over our marriages, and we have a responsibility to be prayerful and vigilant. 

It's always my goal that our marriage is thriving, not just getting by.  Now for some practical stuff:

I think a key to thriving in your marriage is prayer.  Pray for your spouse*, pray with your spouse, pray over your struggles, pray for the strength of your marriage, just pray already!  So many times in our marriage, God has answered specific prayers and I can look back and see His faithful hand in our relationship.  He is good, and He desires good things for my marriage and for yours.

The main thing I recognized that needed changing in our home in regards to our communication troubles was this: the constant interruptions from our kids.  As a mother, our time is very rarely our own.  Throughout the day, we are continually being interrupted by our kids- for a drink here, a snack there, a diaper change over here, a squabble that needs sorting there, a heart that needs mending, a hug, a word, an instruction, a prayer, a meal.  You name it: as mothers we are on call, all hours of the day.  But when Mark comes home, I need to mentally shift from being available to the kids to being available to him.  That's a difficult thing when all day long your focus is the kids.  That doesn't mean that I'm no longer available to them- but it does mean they may just need to wait.

What that means for us is that when Mark comes home from work, we make an effort to sit together or work alongside each other to talk about our days.  {This is often a time when I'll say- "Okay- everyone outside for 20 minutes!"}  When the kids run in- and they do!  numerous times!- to say this or that, we are learning to tell them to wait; to not interrupt, to please let daddy and mommy talk for a few minutes.  I think it's important for our kids to see, too- that we are loving and honoring one another that way.  And for us, taking that initial time together to cover the basics opens up our evening time to get to more quality conversation.

[One other thought I'm going to tuck in here, and that is to encourage your husband.  Compliment him, tell him every single day how thankful you are for him, for his hard work, for his provision for your family.  Speak well of him to your children and to others.  Tell him you love him, and show him with service and thoughtfulness and kindness and affection.  Greet him warmly at the door, give him a hug and tell him you've missed him.  Okay- that could be a whole other post entirely, but that's all I'll say now.]

The other thing we are always trying to be more diligent at is having planned at-home date nights.  (If you have a sitter and can afford it, by all means: get out of the house!- but if you're like us: just plan dates at home.)  I emphasized the word planned because it makes all the difference for us.  When there is a regular night set aside for that- written on the calendar, anticipated and assigned (either Mark or I in charge of the plan for the evening)- we have far greater success at those date nights actually taking place.  Or- at least they're not a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants  "Oh yeah!  It's date night.  What are we doing?  Who was supposed to plan tonight?" kind of an evening.  If I know it's my night, I am far more intentional and thoughtful about what we'll do and what we can talk about.

One more thing: because we rarely have an opportunity to get away, Mark and I try to go away for even one or two nights once or twice a year.  This has become eagerly anticipated by both of us.

I'm counting on your inspiring ideas in the comments of this post, too!

*Here's a link to the list I posted in 2006: Praying for my husband.  

Why I said yes

It was on this date, December 15th, fifteen years ago, that Mark proposed to me.

As he knelt to express his love for me and his desire for me to be his wife, I happily said yes.  We had been dating for three years and I knew him well.

I knew that during Mark's first couple years of college, he was also taking care of his grandma who had Alzheimer's.  He spent his weekends caring for her.   In her tired, confused mind- she often called him the wrong name- and she could be awfully stubborn about things.  Sometimes on a Friday or Saturday night, his grandma would insist that it was "time to go to church".  He would patiently explain, "No, Grandma.  It isn't Sunday.  No one is at church right now."  But she would get herself all ready for church, and insist upon going.  So Mark would carefully help her out to the car and he would drive her to church.  They'd reach the dark, empty parking lot, and she would have a puzzled look on her face and realize that no one was here for church, and they'd go back home.

I remember thinking then- when I heard the stories Mark would tell me of his time with his grandma- that he was a remarkable man.  What guy in college is spending his weekends taking care of his ailing grandma?  My Mark was.

When we began dating, I was eighteen; had just moved out of the house- and had two little brothers still at home.  Micah was seven and Seth was two.  Whenever we'd go to my house, Mark would end up on the floor with my brothers, playing with them.  I loved this.  I knew he wasn't doing this to impress me or anyone else- he just genuinely liked them and got down on their level to play with them.

We'd file into church next to my family on a Sunday morning and Seth would reach up to Mark, wanting to be held.  Mark is so tall that his arms offered the best view.  Seth liked to be held in a sitting-up position, but facing outward.  (Not real comfy for whoever was holding him.)  Mark would steadily hold him just that way, facing out, during the whole of the worship service.

For years Mark taught the two-year-old Sunday School class, and those two-year-olds loved him.  They would climb all over him and he made them laugh and they were just so taken with him.  He loved each one of them.

I watched Mark with my brothers, with his nephews, and with his two-year-old classes, and knew he would be a good daddy someday.

During college I worked at a Christian bookstore.  Usually I had the closing shift.  We closed at nine o'clock, and I was by myself, vacuuming, closing out the tills, and locking up.  Not so when Mark began dating me.  He would drive out to the store about half-hour before closing and just browse the bookstore while I closed up.  He wanted me to be safe: it was dark, I was alone- and he would just show up.  I never asked him to nor did I expect it of him.  He just showed up one night and kept coming, each night I was closing.  And I felt treasured by him.

I lived with a bunch of other girls through college.  We had meals together each night, and divvied up the household chores.  Chores were always expected to be done on Saturdays.  I worked Saturdays, so when I came home from work those nights I had my chores to do.  I remember coming home from work one night (with Mark) to discover that my chores had all been done for me.  I wondered aloud which of my roommates had done this?  I think I even asked a few of them, and it was one of them who told me that Mark had been by earlier in the day to do my chores for me.  (I think that week my chore was the living room/dining room area and the kitchen).   He did it simply to bless me, knowing I would be tired when I got home that night.

He was the most romantic guy-- he courted me with near-daily cards and flowers and thoughtfulness packed into every date.  When he knew I would be celebrating my birthday while on a missions trip, he tracked down a birthday card well in advance and sent it along with me.  I still remember being on a sleeper-train riding through Poland, and opening my birthday card from Mark- which was a Polish card!  How he found me a Polish birthday card, I'll never know- but somehow he did.

I watched the way he interacted with his siblings and the way he honored his parents.  He loved them.  He spoke well of them, and there was great fondness and camaraderie in his family.  I loved that.

He spoke well of everyone, actually.  Any time I would complain to him about anyone, he always- annoyingly- believed the best in a person; giving them the benefit of the doubt and encouraging me not to be quick to judge someone else's motives.

Mark quickly became my best friend.

I was deeply afraid to get married.  I was so fearful that someday I would be left-- the way my mom had been left by my dad.  It was my greatest fear.  I wanted to know, for sure- that this would not happen to me.  I wanted assurance that this man, Mark, would never be that man.

But that day, on top of that hill- fifteen years ago, I was unafraid.  I knew Mark.  I knew his character.   I knew he loved and feared God above all.  I knew he loved me. And I trusted him.  That's why I said yes.

Fifteen years later and he's still the guy who will lay aside his own interests, his own time and comfort, for someone else.  He is still selfless- always thinking of others before himself.  He is still great with children: he is an amazing daddy to our five.  He still courts me with cards and flowers and thoughtfulness.  He still loves his family and others well.  He's still my best friend.  He is trustworthy.  He loves and fears God more today than he did back then, and I admire him more than anyone on this earth.

The Four Stages

I've decided there are four stages* of communicating with your spouse when you have children:

Stage 1: You talk often and freely, because your children are so young, they can't understand a thing you're saying anyway.

Stage 2: You talk a little less often, because now your children are in the chattering stage.  Sometimes you speak in code: you omit names and you wish your husband was better at reading your lips across the room, but it's hopeless: he cannot do such a thing.  (Every time you try, he looks at you like you're speaking Russian.)

Stage 3: You talk, yes- but every third word you spell.  So you have to be a good speller for this stage.  And you have to be a quick study to be able to decipher which word is being spelled.  Also, in this stage, you learn the trick of doing any serious talking while driving in the van: with the music turned up just enough so that your kids in the back can't hear what you're saying.

Stage 4: Talk to your husband?! What is that?  Because there are all these other little people talking or interrupting CONSTANTLY.  You can't even think, let alone have a conversation. 

We're in Stage 4.  What stage are you in?  (And do let me know if I've missed any stages you happen to be all too familiar with.)

Don't worry.  It's not as desperate as it sounds.  I'll post soon on how and what we're doing to survive this stage.  ;)


*So far.  I'm sure there are many glorious stages to come in the years ahead!

Sunday afternoon tradition

While the kids are napping or having their quiet times, Mark and I sit at the table and play a game together.   Usually it's either Scrabble, Settlers, Ticket to Ride, or Carcassonne.   Sometimes we work on a puzzle.

Today it was Scrabble.

He's pretending to be giddy about those last 5 letters but he's really not.

We're serious Scrabble players, too.

Mark is the kind of guy who lays all of his letters and gets an extra 50 points-- OFTEN.  ~sheesh~ 
But this game, I won.  It's worth recording because it happens so infrequently.  ;)

On marriage

I've been thinking a lot lately about marriages, and how so many people we personally know are in marriages that are falling apart, or devastated by infidelity or addiction.

It deeply saddens me.

I've started and stopped this post several times.  I'm just not sure how to best tackle this thing that weighs so heavily on my heart.

I love my husband Mark so much, and we genuinely have a happy marriage.  He is my best friend and I have utmost respect for him.  I am so very, very thankful for my husband and for the blessing of our marriage.  But I know that's not everyone's story.

Maybe it's not your story, either.

Maybe you are one who feels stuck in an unhappy marriage.  Maybe you are discouraged.  Maybe you and your husband keep fighting over the same issues, and you feel the chasm widening between the two of you.  Maybe you feel unloved, or never able to measure up, or constantly disappointed.  Maybe you feel as if you're shouldering a burden that is too heavy to bear.

As I prayed this afternoon, this verse came to mind.  You're likely familiar with it:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  

~Matthew 11:28-30

That's a promise.  Jesus will give you rest in the deepest parts of you, no matter where you're at right now and no matter what you may be struggling with.  Just go to Him and pour it all out and lay it down at His feet.  Ask Him to mend the broken parts, ask Him to restore and to heal and transform it all.  He can do it.  He is Almighty and He can do it.   And then go to Him again, over and over and over, and keep laying it down and asking for His help.

There are three other things on my heart:

1.  After you ask for Jesus' help, ask Him to reveal to you who else you can tell, and then go to them and tell them.  I can't emphasize this enough.  If you are struggling in your marriage right now, please go and tell a trusted friend or a member of your church body and ask them to pray for you and your marriage.  Go ask your pastor's wife.  Go ask that woman you've seen in church-- maybe you've never even spoken to her before.  It doesn't matter.  Just ask her.  Don't be too prideful or too afraid to express that you have a need.  We ALL do.  It may not be the same need, but we've all got them.  And we need to get over our pride already and be willing to say "I need help.  We need help.  Can you pray for me?"  I think that we as a Church need to get a whole lot better at this.  We need to be willing to be vulnerable and transparent and willing to show ourselves for the mess that we are, and ask for help.  (Isn't there something just so refreshing when you're with someone who acknowledges that they DON'T have it all together?  It allows the rest of us to put down our own walls and say, with a great sigh of relief, "Me too."  Then we're on a level field-- wobbling sinners who need Jesus so much, and we can pray for one another toward that end.)*

2.  Pray specifically for your marriage.  By specifically I mean: don't just ask God to help you love your spouse, but ask Him to show you how to love him; ask God to give you a tangible way to show your husband that love, today, and then do that one thing.  If you feel like all you ever do is criticize each other, ask God to help you think of one thing you can verbalize to your spouse today that would be kind; that would show respect and love, and then say it.  If you want your husband to grow or change in a particular area, express that to God, and wait and see what He does.  God is a God of details.  And He answers prayer in very specific, tangible ways.  I think He loves to surprise us and bless us by answering our specific prayers.  Even if you're at a good place in your marriage right now, you just keep right on praying.  Pray that God would strengthen your marriage.  Ask that He would guard both you and your husband from temptation.  Ask for ways to nurture your marriage and cherish this man God has given you. 

3.  And this, too: pray for the marriages of those around you.  Recently, some very dear friends of ours went through a very difficult time in their marriage.  Everyone who knew them was shocked.  No one had any idea to the degree in which they were struggling.  It prompted me to start praying for all the married couples we knew: our friends, our parents, our extended family... every marriage I could think of, I started praying for.  I truly think the enemy is working overtime to try to tear apart Christian marriages.  The Bible is clear that he comes to steal, kill and destroy.  So let's intercede on behalf of our brothers and sisters in Christ and pray over their marriages.

Because this is the way my brain works, I decided that on Mondays I was going to pray for Marriages, and I do so.  Some Mondays I pray for a specific marriage that God has laid on my heart, sometimes I run through the list and pray a general prayer or verse over all of those marriages, and some Mondays I forget entirely, but Mondays are "tagged" for praying for marriages.  Perhaps you'd like to join me in that and pray for those in your life on Mondays, too?

*If you're reading this and you need prayer but you feel like you don't have anyone else to ask, email me and I will pray for you. 

Thoughts on a sunny Tuesday

~ Mark and I are celebrating 14 years of marriage today. How I *love* my husband! Mark blessed me with a bouquet of flowers at lunch today-- yellow and purple, the same colors we had for our wedding flowers-- and then a sweet card he handed to me when he got home from work this evening. Tonight we feasted on crab (with oodles of butter, garlic, and fresh-squeezed lemon juice), greek salad, and bread (with the kids, at home.) Yesterday my mom watched the kids so that just the two of us could spend the day together, which was such a gift.

~ Last night we took down Audra's crib and Adelia's toddler bed and moved up to a full and a twin in the room. Audra (2) and Ella (9) are sharing, Adelia is in the twin. The girls LOVE it. Seriously- they could not be happier with the arrangement. We're still transitioning the room so right now it's just mattresses on the floor. They've been a little rambunctious in there at bedtime (it's like a slumber party to them), but they're settling in...

~ I am cheerily planning our schooling for next year. (Have I mentioned how much I *love* planning?)

~ We received Ella's standardized test results in the mail and somehow I now feel "official" that Ella is getting properly educated. (This is silly, I know. I knew she was getting a solid education already. But still.) She tested very well.

~ Our garden is growing. I always feel so proud of those little shoots first coming up out of the ground. Our strawberries are ripening. My peonies are happily blooming.

~ I went away last weekend on a little retreat with these wonderful ladies and was so blessed. I have such respect for each one of them, and it was such a treat to get away and talk about parenting, homeschooling and our faith. And eat. And laugh. And rest.

(l to r: Cutzi, Sarah, Jodi, Amy, me, Rebecca with her newest little Reuben)

~ I said to Mark today: "Remember when I used to bake bread? And make homemade yogurt? And make our own laundry soap? Sheesh. It's been awhile... " I have definitely not done those things for a long while. I feel like we're entering a new season, though, in our family life... with the little girls being not as little anymore. Within the past couple of weeks I've gone out twice with all five kids to run errands or go grocery shopping. That is something that did not seem AT ALL feasible to me for at least the last couple of years. I joked to Mark that some of our neighbors were probably shocked to see us going out-and-about in the daytime hours. (It's just easier to stay at *home* with little ones, so that's what we do.) It makes me realize just how taxing the years are with little ones in the mix. All that to say that if you're in that taxing season, it *does* get easier. :) [Oh. And for any of you with inquiring minds that might be thinking: "Wait. They took down their crib and she feels like they're "entering a new season of family life"-- Does that mean they're not going to have/adopt any more kids?" Nope. That's not what that means. :) That's just where we find ourselves right *now*. We'd love more children!]

How are *you* today?