Birthday letter to Adelia: three!

My beautiful Adelia~

Yesterday you walked through my bedroom and stopped to look at yourself in our full-length mirror. Then you headed out the door into the hallway. I called, "Hey! What were you looking at in mama's mirror?" and you returned to say, very matter-of-factly, and with a slight *you-caught-me* grin: "My pretty hair." (Which was in it's full glory~ no beads or braids.) That's my girl.

I just love you so much, Adelia. You are the most spirited, lively, confident, sassy, stubborn, exuberant, busy, loud, expressive, vibrant, mischievous little girl I've ever known. I want to remember you, right now-- who you are right now~ just days away from being three years old.

You are a girl who knows what she wants, and you are not afraid to express it-- and loudly.

You like books (Owl Babies, anything Maisy, and that naughty little monkey Curious George). And when you read books, you'll often pop your finger into your mouth repeatedly, then pull it out noisily and slurpily~ all so that you can have a wet finger to turn the next page.

You like food- (mmm hmmm is still something we hear, constantly, from you when you're eating a meal). You like to be loud and boisterous-- running and chasing and shrieking and laughing through the rooms of this old house. You love to sing, and do so constantly (lately we hear a lot of the ABC song and various worship songs, as well as a hearty rendition of Go Tell it On the Mountain.) You love to watch movies. Your favorites are Miss Pattycake, Signing Time, and Maisy. But you'll watch anything, and happily.

When you sleep, you still chew on the hands of your baby and pull the blankets over your head. And you snore. Recently, Mark and I have been startled awake by Audra hollering in the middle of the night: "Don't DO THAT!" At first we were puzzled, then we figured out that she must be getting awakened by your snoring. ;)

You won't sit still for longer than 3 seconds. I am so not exaggerating that fact. Unlike your siblings, you do not sit and play anything. You will sit for a book, but you are constantly moving and talking and turning the pages back to talk about something you just saw or to ask me a question.

You like to make silly faces at me when daddy reads at bedtime. I indulge, because it keeps you quiet(ish). You make a face, then I make that face back, and we copy each others' silly faces.

You are affectionate-- when you feel like it ;), but I can always get silly about it or make it a game and get a hug or kiss out of you.

You are a sweet big sister to Audra. Oh, how you adore that girl! :) You are so sweet with her~ your words to her are gentle and kind, and you share so well with her. I love your friendship with your sister. (And I love how you've recently taken to calling her "sweetie"!)

You want to be in on everything the big kids are doing-- helping with chores, doing school and memorizing verses. I love that.

You are a trouble-maker, you. You move from one spot to another, all day long, doing whatever you should NOT do in that particular area of the house. If you happen to walk into the boys' room and you see that Isaac has carefully ordered some baseball cards, all in neat stacks across the floor, you will make it your personal mission to run through the middle of the piles and kick your feet wildly so as to make the most of your mess. If anyone has built any sort of creation (Legos or otherwise), you take it upon yourself to destruct it, and quickly- before anyone should stop you. If someone has colored a pretty picture, you must color on top of it, or rip it up, and quickly- so that you can get the deed done before you get found out. If you are left alone for longer than a minute, I know I can find you hiding somewhere with food, or getting into Ella's chapstick or filling up the bathroom sink to overflowing with water, or pushing Isaias' buttons, or- destructing or disassembling something, somewhere.

So you keep me busy, keeping up with all your messes and correcting you. We talk a lot about kindness and gentleness and love.

I love it that when people ask you what your name is, you tell them "Adelia Hope." No first-name-only basis for you.

You have a confidence that I love. Your brothers and sisters are shy around new people or situations, and you are just... not. You jump into any conversation, boldly telling about everyone and everything. You are willing to try new things, and you do so with remarkable determination.

You say the funniest things- and you love to make your older siblings laugh. If you say something funny (accidentally), and find that it amused everyone, you work hard to keep them laughing at you.

I just love you so much, my Adelia Hope. I cannot wait to see how God develops these lively characteristics in you for His glory!

Happy Birthday to my beautiful three-year old girl.

Love,

~Your mommy

Fostering: A Bigger Picture

David Platt, author of this amazing book, which I blogged about here, is the pastor of a church in Alabama. I listen to his sermons online whenever I get the chance, and am always challenged and inspired by his faithful presentation of the Gospel.

In a sermon I listened to last year, I heard him tell a story that I have not forgotten (and I am so sorry, but I cannot, for the life of me, remember the name of the sermon or otherwise I'd direct you right to it, but I believe he mentioned this particular story in the book, too. And I'll keep looking for the sermon itself and update if I track it down!) I'm going to retell it, here, to the best of my memory.

* * *

David Platt, in preparation for a sermon on orphan care, (from James 1:27) got in touch with the social services office in his area to ask about the needs in their own community for foster parents. The woman he spoke with said their need was great; it always is. There are always more children than the places available for them. Platt asked, off the cuff- exactly how many foster parents would they need to take care of every child in their community? She laughed. He asked again. She said, "All of them?" He said, "Yes. All of them." She did some quick figuring and said that in order to have places for every child in their community, they would need 150 foster parents. As he stood before his congregation the following Sunday, he challenged them to consider what that might mean for them, as a church, to step up and fill that need in their own community.

He arranged for the foster parent training to be held (at their church, I think), and guess how many families showed up for the training, willing to become foster parents?

160.

!

(Doesn't that just make you want to jump up and down at how great God is?!?!)

As these members began to serve as foster care families, Platt met again with local officials. One of the women pulled him aside and asked him what he had told these people that had made them come and do this. Platt told her that they came because the God who loves children told them to come and reflect His love to the children around them.

* * *

I love this story so much I think I've told it to everyone I know.... twice. :) This is just amazing on so many levels.

As a foster parent, each week I get an email asking for homes for children in our own community. Just last week the email asked for care for the following children:

• Boy- 2 1/2 years old (placed in Protective Custody the previous night)
• Boy- 20 months old (needs placement for 3-6 months)
• Girl- 15 years old
• Boy- 5 1/2 years old (placement needed for 3 months or longer)

The email also requested respite care (a break for the foster parents) for a sibling group for just a few days, and care for a 12-year old girl for 20 days. The week before this there was a different list of children. The week following this there was a new list. More children- displaced, either temporarily or permanently- and in need.

I would just love it so much if the state could come to count on the CHURCH~ people who love Jesus!~ to be the ones caring for these children! Can you imagine the testimony that would be to the social workers and placement coordinators? That the foster parents who were consistently available and willing were always the Christians? That there was no shortage of help from the Christian community? That they were wonderful to work with; and the kids found love and security with these families, and sometimes-- permanent homes? There is NO WAY that would not have a HUGE impact on everyone involved.

It's why Mark and I are renewing our foster care license, why we're updating our paperwork and logging away hours of training and choosing again to open our hearts and lives to what God may have for us~ and to be a part of the larger community of social services- the social workers and the staff at our own local office- and be a blessing to them throughout the process.

I have a few more posts scheduled for this month, but we're winding down, here... and I want you to know, again- that I am praying for each one of you, by name. If you've commented, your name is written in my journal- several times... and my prayers for you follow your name. I am praying that God would move in *your* heart (yes, you!) to rise above the fears and all the what-ifs and to step out in faith and move towards fostering or adoption.

One Foster Mom's Story, Part 2

"One little guy we had came into the foster system from the hospital. This two-year-old boy had a very young mom who had made a poor choice in a boyfriend. The boyfriend physically assaulted this boy so hard that his heart stopped beating. The hospital doctors were able to bring him back to life, literally. He was the most outgoing, beautiful and sweet little boy. He loved life and was a joy to have in our home. He just needed someone to protect him from life!"

"Another little baby girl we had from the hospital had a mama who had given up other children, but for some reason or another continued to get pregnant and kept having babies. This little girl was beautiful and precious."

Yesterday you heard from my sister Stefany, and she shared some stories of their foster children- stories like the ones you see again at the top of this post- and she answered some questions about doing foster care (If you missed Part 1, please click here.) Today we're going to continue our Q & A in Part 2:

What has been the biggest surprise for you?
Definitely how few children we’ve had. Because of the great need, we thought we’d be called all the time. But we’ve noticed there are lulls. Right now it seems there’s a greater need for homes for teens. Although friends of ours that have said they are willing to take more than one child at a time are constantly called. It all depends on how many, and the age you’re willing to have in your home.


How have your children done with foster care?
So far, so good. I know it’s hard for them to say goodbye, but it’s a blessing they are kids and live life with a black and white perspective. They know that saying goodbye means saying hello to the next little one. They like the fact that they are helping others. That said, the little guy we had for the longest, they still talk about and wonder how he’s doing, wishing they could see him again. Of course, we won’t know how it really affects them until later in life when they can verbalize more of their thoughts and feelings like an adult. But for now, we really feel like it’s given them a more rich perspective on our world. They now see the needs of others more readily, they know they can serve others’ needs by merely a hug, a kind word or by playing with someone.



What would your encouragement be to someone interested in doing foster care?
How can we not? There are thousands of children just in our region alone waiting for a foster family. These are CHILDREN that need a home. If our hearts are supposed to be broken with the same things that break God’s heart; then this is definitely a way to be Christ-like and serve in our own communities!


Each one is so heartbreaking. I'm tearing up just writing this. We've cried over these kids, wept at what they've had to endure already in their short lives. We continue to be amazed at the life situations that others are struggling with. In our country. Not somewhere else, but here in our own backyards. We are grateful to God for our upbringings, and the many, many luxuries of family and friends that we've turned to for help in the midst of life's struggles and the church communities we've leaned on for support through our own challenges. How can one move through this life without others' support? We can be that support sometimes by taking in a child that needs a place to be safe, warm, loved, entertained and held. We can be God's arms like He so often is for us through others around us!

{Thank you, Stef!}

For those of you reading, if there are other questions you would like Stefany to answer, I bet I could twist her arm (or bribe her with the promise of some Starbucks coffee ;)) and she would be happy to answer! Just leave a comment!

One Foster Mom's Story, Part 1

"One little girl we cared for had been born prematurely and her mother had left her at the hospital. The mother hadn't told any family members she was pregnant. She flew out to Seattle to visit a family member, went into labor, and left a few days later. Her beautiful daughter was left alone in the hospital in the NICU with no one to visit her. We got her when she was released from the hospital. She was a precious little girl who unfortunately was born to a very young woman who wasn't ready to be a mama to her."

* * *

"A two-year-old boy came into our care because his mom needed to leave for her night shift at work. She was trying to make money for her and her son. A friend of hers was supposed to come over to watch her son while he slept. The friend never showed up and she didn't want to lose her job, so she left her little boy sleeping alone in the apartment. He woke up, went to a neighbor, and the police intervened from there. "

Those are just two stories of many a foster mom could share with you. One reason I think it is so important for us-- as a church at large-- to get involved in foster care is this: Many of us~ in our safe, happy, suburban lives~ would never "rub shoulders" with people in these types of situations. We may hear about such a story on the news but not be personally invested in it. Yet there are so many children in our own communities who are living in this kind of reality; who are being parented by someone who has never been parented themselves, and who have little chance of growing up and avoiding the same cycle.

The state wants these children safe. Those of us who know and love Jesus have the ability to offer foster children more than just a safe, secure environment. We can offer them our love, our prayers and true, lasting security in Jesus Christ.

I'm so excited to get to introduce you today to someone who is welcoming foster children into her home (and the one who shared those two stories at the beginning of this post.) So without further ado, allow me to introduce you to...

...my sister! I am so proud of her and the ministry their family has in caring for foster children, and am so thankful she agreed to answer some questions regarding her experiences. I'll let her introduce herself, and then we'll get on with the Q & A.

My name is Stefany. I’m married to my best friend, Dan and together we have three amazing children: Megan (10), Madison (9) and Cole (6) and a cat named Starbucks! We’ve been foster parents for over 2 years and plan to renew our foster care license next summer for another 3 years!


Welcome to the blog, Stef. :) Thank you for being willing to do this! Let's get started with some questions...

What made you decide to do foster care?

Well, I had always wanted to adopt, but after having 3 kids of our own, my husband and I decided foster care fit our family better. We wanted to still be able to focus on our own kids but also care for those in our state that needed some temporary help. Also, as Christians, we’ve both been drawn to God’s commands to take care of the needy; children seem to be where God has called us to at this point in our lives.



Can you give us the stats about the children you've had in your care? (How many kids have you fostered, length of care, their ages and situations?)

We got our foster care license in July 2008. We have had 8 kids since that time.

• K & I, a sibling set, girl(3) and boy(2). They had been physically abused, and spent 4 nights with us.
• C, a 3-year-old girl whose mom went to jail. She was with us for 2 nights.
• T, an 11-month-old boy whose mom went to jail. He was with us for 1 ½ years.
• M, a preemie girl we got straight from hospital, where her mom had left her. She was with us for 2 months.
• A, a 2-year-old boy who had been physically abused. He spent 3 months with us.
• A, a 2-day-old girl. Her mom couldn’t take care of her. She was with us for 1 ½ weeks.
• E, a 2-year-old boy who was left alone at home. He spent 4 nights with us.
• A, 1-year-old girl who was taken due to neglect. She is currently still with us
.

What were your fears (if any) going into it?
I didn't have any fears. The state is so helpful in letting foster parents choose an age range, and what level of medical care you want to provide. 



What has been the hardest part?
The hardest part has definitely been saying goodbye. I usually just let myself enjoy the time with each child and live in denial until the day they leave. Then I usually bawl my eyes out, take a deep breath and wait for the phone to ring again! Our hardest one obviously was the child that stayed with us for over a year. He felt like one of our own by the time he left. Most of the time, we’ve known where each child is ending up and each has been put into a great situation, either with a parent or relative or adopted!



Join us for more questions and stories in Part 2, coming up tomorrow!

Foster Care Focus

I'm afraid I've lost some of you with those last two heart-heavy, lengthy posts regarding fears and attachment. (Are you doing okay with all of this?) Please know that if you've commented this month on any post, I have prayed for you by name and will continue to.

* * *

We're in the middle of a month-long focus on adoption and foster care, and with this post, I'm switching gears from adoption to the topic of foster care.

Our own experience as foster care parents is limited-- but that doesn't mean I didn't write extensively about it! We became licensed foster parents with the hope of being able to then adopt a child from our state. Licensed and waiting, we decided to do some short-term, interim care since we did not yet have a referral (or any on the horizon), and there was a great need in our community.

Ella and Baby B

Our first little foster child~ a girl~ was brought to us at just five weeks old, and she spent one month with our family. Some of you will remember her as Baby "B". She would have been with us much longer, but we received Adelia's referral at the end of that first month. There was an overlap for a few days when both girls were with us at the same time, until another placement could be arranged for Baby B.

Our two foster babies, Baby B and Adelia

Then we said goodbye to Baby B and welcomed Adelia into our home. We fostered Adelia for 8 months until we were able to adopt her. And that's the extent of our foster care experience.

I shared about our foray into foster care with Baby B in the following posts, for anyone who is interested:

Beginning
Thoughts on Day 1
My heart (day 3)
Delight (a few weeks in)
Oh, my heart
The goodbye, Part 1
The goodbye, Part 2
The goodbye, Part 3
The goodbye, Part 4
Part 5: Final thoughts

We are currently in the process of renewing our foster care license, and we sincerely hope to be able to foster other children in the future.

Since we're not currently fostering, though, I want to introduce you to someone who is, and who has more experience in the realm of foster care. I'll begin with the post One Foster Mom's Story, Part 1, coming up on Monday.

Fears About Adoption and Fostering

What if we get a child who disrupts our life?
What if that child's needs would be too overwhelming for me as a mama?
What if that child wouldn't fit in with my other children?
Will I be able to love that child as I love my biological children?
What if our home is just too small?
What if we can't afford it?
What if I don't feel attached or bonded to that child?
What if the process itself is just too overwhelming?
Will I be able to care for another child without sacrificing the needs of my own children?

I am a little teary as I sit to write today. I've just read again through your comments on this post, and so many of you have shared so openly and honestly your fears and the questions you have. Thank you for that. I am so grateful for your words. I've just spent some time praying that God would use me~ somehow, as only He can do~ to address those fears.

I feel very humbled by the opportunity to write on this at all. I'm just a girl who loves Jesus and is trying to take Him at His Word and live to honor Him. And doing a whole lot of stumbling around in the process, mind you. A big part of me is saying, "Surely there are others more qualified to tackle this. Who am I to speak to these deep fears and questions?" (Heck, I have them, too!) But then there is another part of me that is eager to share what God has taught me and what I think about it all. So here goes.

Here is my encouragement to you if any of the above fears are yours: take them to Jesus. Lay that fear before Him. Lay it down and walk away. Fear is Satan's tool, not God's. In Christ we do not need to be afraid. Period. Do you know how many times it says in the Bible, "Do not fear" or "Do not be afraid"? LOTS! Start looking them up, and then: take Him at His word! Keep taking those fears to Jesus.

I came very close to walking away from our second adoption due to fears I had, and all the what-if questions that tormented me. I was familiar with several of the "horror stories"-- and for a time I was paralyzed by the fear. I prayed and cried and talked to Mark and a couple of other people, and finally I found solace within the pages of my Bible. I wrote out every single verse I could find on fear and just journaled and prayed through each one until my fears subsided and I was resting on the promises of God instead. I trusted Him, that He had called us to this, that He had confirmed it again and again throughout the process, and that He would be with us through every bit of it-- that even if it was horrific, we would rest in God's Word and trust that He had called us to it. So we moved forward. I could literally weep at the thought that my fears could have kept me from this beautiful girl.

This is the first time I held Adelia

God will meet every single need of yours. You just have to choose to believe Him; to take Him at His word.

There are no guarantees. All of the fears you have may come to pass. Many of the fears listed above have been the case in our own situation with Isaias: the attachment struggles, the disruption from the peace in our home, the overwhelming nature of it all. Yep. Been there. Still there on some of those issues. We're living it. I won't lie to you-- it is difficult. But it can be done, because God has sustained us through every bit of it. We rest in Him and in the truth of His Word when we are fearful and overwhelmed. He meets us, every time. God is the only one who has the power to heal the brokenness in these children, and it is our privilege to lead them to Him.

I absolutely think you need to be prayerful about each step of this process. And I think there is wisdom in prayerfully setting some boundaries. (For us, we have determined that if a child has a history of abuse, we are not going to sign up for that child to be in our home while we have little, vulnerable children. We pray that God would raise up someone else (perhaps someone whose children have left the home, or whose children are older) for those children. Mark and I have also made the decision to foster and adopt only children that are younger than our youngest child.)

So we've established that there are some unknowns; that you have fears and you need to take them to Jesus. Then you need to leave it in His hands. Your prayer becomes, "Lord, we want to obey You. You've put this on our hearts and we want to honor You in this. Will You choose a child for our family?" Then you leave it to Him. It is God who sets the lonely in families, not us. Rest in the knowledge that He knows you completely. He knows what you can handle. He knows your biological children- intimately. He created each and every one of us! There is no one who knows you like the God who created you. He will bring you the child of His choosing.


Next up: Attachment Struggles with an Adopted Child

God's Heart for the Orphan: Our Response

Life lived by faith, in obedience to God's Word, is an adventure. My tidy little world was pretty rocked throughout our international adoption process. We had no money to speak of. We had daunting piles of paperwork and forms to be exactly filled out. We had appointments to make (social workers, home study, fingerprints, doctors, etc). None of these are my favorite things. Some people thrive on that kind of organizational nightmare challenge. Not me. There were delays and setbacks (pretty much a given with all international adoptions) and then there was the great unknown: who would our child be? We literally had no idea who we would end up with, what that child's history was, or what that child's future would entail.

Why go through it at all? Well, there is this. And as if that wasn't enough, then there is this verse, too, that I could not shake at the time- nor since that time, from Luke (12:48):

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

That is us. We have been given so much. There are children in this world who have been abandoned, orphaned, and who have no one to care for their basic needs, let alone anyone to love them. There is a huge need and we are able to do something about it! At the time we really felt (and still do feel) a huge sense of responsibility. God has blessed us so abundantly. There was no question to us where God stands on the matter, and so now it came down to this: What would our response be?

I am convinced that is has to be *something*. I do not think we can sidestep this issue. I'm not saying that everyone should adopt or become a foster parent, but I think the Bible is clear on the fact that we must care for the orphan, somehow. That can look differently for each person/couple/family, yes. But the fact remains that it is our responsibility as followers of Jesus to do this.

Here's the thing: it is a huge step of obedience and faith. HUGE. But: you do not go it alone. He is with you, He is with you, He is with you.

One of the best things for me during each of our adoptions was that, when all was said and done~ I was closer to Jesus than ever before. In fact-- although I may have complained just a wee bit about the process itself (okay, so... a LOT bit), and although I was overwhelmed *many* times through it all, and really and truly full of fear at times.... when those final papers were signed and it was a done deal? I was sad to have it end, because it was a thrilling ride. Not the paperwork, no. But the turning to Jesus at each new roadblock. The utter dependence upon God through it all. The I-don't-know-what-You're-doing-here-Lord-but-I-trust-You-anyway kind of faith. Praying fervently and then watching Him work. Trusting and seeing Him deliver. It is invigorating, that kind of faith. (Don't you want that? Don't you long for that kind of relationship with Jesus? I do!)



Next up: Fears About Adoption and Fostering

God's Heart for the Orphan

Thank you for all of your thoughtful comments on the Intro post. (I am convinced that I have the best blog-readers out there. I love you all so much, and think you are all so encouraging and inspiring.)

If you're just joining us, we're taking this entire month to discuss the topic of adoption and foster care. We began here if you'd like to catch up. Now, on to today's post....

* * *

As we consider the topics of adoption and foster care, I think there is only one right place to start:

God's Word.

I'm not going to give my thoughts on these verses- at least not just yet. (I can't promise that my thoughts won't spill over in future posts!) I'm just going to let God's Word speak for itself. Also... I know it's tempting to see a list of verses and skim the first one or two and then click away. I want to ask you, though, to read each and every one:

He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. ~Deut. 10:18

You, O God... are the helper of the fatherless. ~Psalm 10:14

You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more. ~Psalm 10:17-18

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families. ~Psalm 68:5-6

For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight. ~Psalm 72:12-14

Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. ~Psalm 82: 3-4

The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow. ~Psalm 146:9

Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. ~Isaiah 1:17

For in you the fatherless find compassion. ~Hosea 14:3

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. ~James 1:27

Intro to this Month's Adoption Focus

The picture above shows our two adopted children, Isaias (5), adopted from Guatemala when he was 9 months old; and Adelia (2), adopted through our state's foster/adopt program when she was less than a month old.

I want so much to share my passion for adoption with you throughout the month of November. I have prayed that God would give me the words to express my heart, and that He would use this series of posts to stir some of you to move forward on this journey. (Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you. I want some of *you* to end up fostering and/or adopting! And I'm praying it would be so. I have read your emails, and tucked your stories into my heart and prayers, and I know there are many of you who have pondered this and thought, "Someday... maybe we'll do that." I'm hoping God will use these posts~ amongst all the other ways He will choose to speak to you~ to encourage you to take that next step.)

I hope to cover these topics, to name a few:

• attachment/bonding
• what to do when your husband doesn't want to adopt
• fears
  
• blending of biological/adopted kids in one family
• our own process
• foster care: one family's story
  

Like I said before, I am an open book. I would love for this to be an open discussion, between you and me (and others who will guest-post this month), as we work our way through these topics.

Here's a question to get us started: What do you think are some fears people have when they consider foster care and/or adoption? These fears may be your own, or fears you've heard from others.

I'll start. My fears, throughout our journey, have been many, ranging from financial worries: How will we ever be able to afford this?! to a pressing fear of the unknown: What kind of child will we end up with? Can I do this? Will I be able to love/parent that child rightly?

Your turn. Leave a comment! Feel free to do so anonymously if that will be the difference between you leaving a comment and not.




[Next up: God's heart for the orphan]

Coming up in November...

Are you aware that November is National Adoption Month? It's a month set aside each year to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care.

That~ and really more the fact that all things adoption and foster-care-related are very near and dear to my heart (and: more importantly, to GOD's heart)~ I am going to be spending the entire month of November talking about those topics here on the blog. Hooray! :)

I don't know yet all that will entail, but here are two things I can tell you: I've interviewed a foster mom who is very dear to me, and I can't wait to introduce her to you and share their family's foster-care experiences with you. And: my own Mark has promised me a guest post on the topic of adoption.

Most of you know that we have adopted internationally, done foster care, and adopted domestically. I know that doesn't make me an expert on any of it (far from it!) but what I do have to offer is this: I am an open book. :) Also, this: one of the great things about being a foster/adoptive parent is that you get to be part of a whole community of other foster and/or adoptive parents. If I can't offer any personal experience on a topic, I can easily find someone who will.

So. Here is where you come in:

If there are any questions you have about adoption or foster care~ whether it be about our experiences, yours, or the whole idea in general, please comment on this post, and I will make sure to get to it sometime within the next month.

~Stacy

A someday trip and a link

One of Mark's favorite memories as a child is the summer his parents took him and his five siblings in an RV and made their way around the United States. I think his oldest sister was actually in college, and he and his older brother in high school. And his other three brothers not far behind. And if there's one thing Mark's family is known for (amongst other wonderful qualities), it's their height. These are big boys we are talking about. Mark now stands 6'6" and he's not the tallest son in the family. So the thought of all of them crammed into a fairly small RV truly makes me laugh. The stories those guys will tell- just about their sleeping arrangements!- when you get them together is enough to make your sides ache.

Anyway- the trip. We so plan to copy that, someday, Lord willing. There are all sorts of historical places we want to see, of course. I know we'll go to Pittsburgh, too- to visit a certain stadium during football season. I keep adding churches to my mental list, too, to hear this or that pastor preach.

I mean, how cool would it be to drop in at Times Square Church and hear David Wilkerson preach?

Another church I want to visit sits in Alabama. I really want to hear David Platt speak. In the meantime we just listen to his sermons, which are all available for free on iTunes. (Otherwise, I think they are available here.)

Anyway, if you have fostered or adopted or just want to listen to a good sermon: you will likely be interested in this message I recently listened to.

So, here's a question: if you could hear any one pastor preach, who would it be?

[Thank you, Sarah E... for passing on the link to this particular sermon!]

Orphan dolls

The orphan doll project is an idea given to my dear friend Kimmie by the Holy Spirit. I met Kimmie while we were in the process of adopting Isaias. She and her husband have adopted six of their seven children (but will VERY SOON bring home another beautiful daughter from Ethiopia). Kimmie blogs regularly over at Over the Moon With Joy. Her heart for orphans is contagious, and her passion is expressed with these words:

"I believe God deeply cares for orphans and desires for believers to wake up to the very real need of the 143 million orphans worldwide. I believe He is calling each of us to take an active roll in seeking Him on what we are to do. What a powerful field in which to send the gospel." You can read more here or on her blog.

We've had the privilege of having the orphan dolls in our home for the last several weeks. I've written a few journal entries over at the Orphan Doll site.




May God continue to speak to your heart about how He might use YOU to "look after the orphans in their distress".

November Adoption Update: FINALIZATION!!!

This morning we all loaded up to drive to the courthouse for the finalization of Adelia's adoption [insert cheers and "woo-hoo's" here].


We were hoping Adelia would take her morning nap on the drive down, but she did not. [Maybe it was Ella hollering out from the back seat the letters she was finding for the alphabet game? Or maybe it was the fact that Isaac was singing at the top of his lungs the entire way there?]

Not sure, but nap or no nap, we arrived.


We met up with our lawyer and waited in the courthouse for our appointment, along with several other families.

November is National Adoption Month, and tomorrow (the 15th) is National Adoption Day. So today is a big day for the courthouse we were at; it's their celebration of National Adoption Day and they processed several adoptions today.

Here we are, waiting in the hallway.


Finally we were called into the courtroom, where we stood in front of the judge with our lawyer. We were asked some questions, which we answered in the affirmative, and then the judge pronounced the adoption final and her name change completed (note to you: for the past seven months, although she has been "Adelia" to us (and thus, to you), she has legally been her given name- and all social workers, doctors, and anyone within this adoption process calls her by her originally-given name.) No longer.

After the formal words were spoken, the judge invited us back to where he sits; our children were able to sit in his seat and shake his hand (note to self: work on the kids' hand-shaking skills!) and then we got a picture with the judge.



Because of all the adoptions being processed, the court had quite the festivities planned for the day, so we waited a bit more for those to begin.


[In the following set of pictures, I was trying to get a smile from our sleepy girl.]



She finally (barely) obliged.


And finally... the long-awaited nap!


The festivities included a few speakers-- our favorite: a father of fifteen (eleven of which are adopted through the foster-care system!), a formal introduction of each newly-adopted child, during which they handed out teddy bears for each child. Oh- and our kids' favorite part: the cookies and balloons also handed out! Our adoption agency also gave each of our children a stuffed lamb, so they were all quite tickled.

Then we walked for a bit to let the kids stretch their legs before the drive home, and had lunch together.

Here's Adelia, expressing her frequent, "Praise the Lord!"


And then- the drive home. Much quieter, that. Isaac, Isaias, and Adelia all slept. Ella was quiet in the back seat, though not sleeping.

Mark and I reminisced about the past several months-- that first phone call and our acceptance of this little girl we'd never laid eyes on, our first visit, my hesitations and fears (and really very clear to me after-the-fact: a serious spiritual attack) leading up to and even following that first visit, God's faithfulness in calming my heart and reassuring us of His plan, the come-and-get-her phone call, bringing her home with us for the first time, and all the joys since. We didn't have time to cover the entire adoption process- beginning at the paperwork stage!

What a wonderful journey God has led us on, and what a beautiful gift He has given us in Adelia. His plans are so very right.

When we pulled up to our house, this is what we were met with:


[What you don't see here (er, other than our last name!) are the flowers, the homemade goodies, the cards, and the gifts given to us by our amazing friends!] Here's one of those gifts (again, I've blurred out our last name on this one, but you get the point!)



And so, today it was made official what we've felt in our hearts all along: this precious girl is our daughter. Oh, how that makes my heart glad!

Thank you, so many of you- for your encouragement, friendship and prayers for us during this process. You've truly walked through it with us. We love you and appreciate you.

October Adoption Update, 2008

We have a court date for the finalization of Adelia's adoption!

November 14th is the big day, and we are rejoicing!

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families. ~Psalm 68:5-6a

September adoption update, 2008

A few things are happening on the adoption front.

For the adoption of this dear girl:


[Who is just so cute I can barely stand it. And who, several times a day, has me thanking God for the wonderful privilege of getting to be her mama. She is pure delight.]

So. Where was I? Oh, yes. Things are happening.

Following our last update, things were quiet for a bit. Then- about a month and a half ago- we received a stack of adoption finalization papers that we weren't quite sure how to fill out. [We aren't familiar with the legal lingo, the fees, etc.] At the same time we were puzzling over our paperwork, our agency was going through some issues (our caseworker left; they were short-staffed), so we weren't able to progress.

Two weeks ago we met with a [new] caseworker who walked us through some of the questions we had regarding the adoption paperwork. We are now in the filling-out-the-paperwork process. We have a checklist of things to do: Mark and I need to get updated medical approval from our doctor, Adelia's pediatrician needs to fill out some forms, we need to give information detailing our current financial status, I have to fax some background clearances to our caseworker. Thankfully, our fingerprints are still good so we don't have to jump through that hoop again. We have hired a lawyer and are proceeding with all of these details. We've been told that the adoption could be finalized as early as November. November.

Last week we received Adelia's state file- officially called a "disclosure"; which is a record of all that the state knows about Adelia. I read about her history (most of which we know, obviously), as well as her birthmother's history (some of which we did not know).

Within that file are all the court documents, too, surrounding her case. I skimmed the file in its entirety, and there was one document that stopped me cold, that brought the tears in earnest. It was the document, dated a couple of months back, whereupon the court terminated the birthmother's rights. In that document, it says:

ORDERED, ADJUDGED and DECREED that said child is hereby declared to be a dependent child [of the state]... and under the permanent jurisdiction of the court, and that [birthmother] no longer retains parental rights and all rights, powers, privileges, immunities, duties and obligations, including any rights to custody, control, visitation or support existing between [birthmom] and the child are severed and terminated, and [birthmother] shall have no standing to appear at any further legal proceedings concerning the child...

I am crying again as I type that out.

It is just so final.

So permanent.

So- over for this struggling mother who birthed this beautiful girl. As much as I yearn for Adelia to belong to us, my heart grieves over the fact that Adelia's birthmother will never know the joy of having this beautiful girl belong to her.

She will never know this precious girl. She doesn't get to see how she beats her little legs and grasps her chubby fingers into fists, a wide smile on her face, when mama bends to pick her up in the early mornings, all for the sheer joy of seeing that face so dear and familiar to her. How she scrunches up her little nose and grins. The way she listens so attentively during worship, or when music is playing, and hums along her own soft song. The way she leans her head in, wraps her brown little arms around mama's neck, and snuggles close with a good morning or a good night hug. The way she delights when her toes are kissed. She hasn't seen her beautiful black head of curls or felt the softness of her skin. She won't get to see her take her first steps or say her first words. She won't know her likes and dislikes, the characteristics God has given her, the woman she will become.

All these joys of motherhood, they could have been hers, but she has missed them all.

It shouldn't be so.

And yet- it is so.

And because it is so, the final line in that court document applies to us: ORDERED, ADJUDGED and DECREED that [the state] has the authority to place said child for adoption...

We get to be that adoptive family.

And my heart is near-to-bursting at that news, but the joy of it is mingled with a deep sadness for all Adelia's birthmother has lost.

On my mind

"The question will never be whether you should care for orphans. The question is how you will care for them... "
-Jason Kovacs

[You can read the article in it's entirety here].

My sister and her husband got their foster care license this past week. On the day they received word that they were officially licensed, they received three calls: will you take this child? this baby? this sibling set?

In their home for the next few days, a little girl (4) and a little boy (2). Pulled from their home due to abuse/neglect. Stayed the first night with one family, and then arrived at my sisters' house. They came at night, around bedtime, with nothing. No jammies, no blankets, no little stuffed animals from their own beds, nothing of their own. They have bruises all over their little bodies.

Oh, my heart aches for the orphans. Ella's, too. When I told them over breakfast about these two little ones staying with their cousins, Ella spent the next half-hour trying to figure out room schematics in our house so that we could be able to take in some more foster children. She concluded: "There are too many rules!" (Because of my responses: "No, honey- they can't sleep in your bed. Or on the couch, or even on the floor.")

Our church has been studying the book of Acts, and the series is entitled, "The Church Has Left the Building." (Ie: are we taking the gospel outside the doors of the church? In our workplaces, in our extended families, in the community and world at large?)

Increasingly I am certain that this is one area where the church needs to "get out of the building", and step up to meet the needs in our communities. How great would it be if we rose up as a Church and took in all of these orphans? I have this little fantasy in my mind where social workers all over the country are circled up in the state offices, chatting at the coffee maker, talking about all of the foster families from that Assemblies of God church, over there, and the Presbyterian church down the street, and the Reformed church across town. And how they can rest a little easier, now, what with these wonderful families responding to the need.

Maybe someday.

In the meantime, we pray here at our house for the orphans. Specifically for this one, this baby girl we got to love for one short month of her life.

How we hope to be able to foster again, someday!

I am so, so proud of you, Stef (if you're reading this), and Dan-- for doing this. And for those of you others who are also fostering or in the process of getting licensed. And those of you who have adopted or are in the process of adopting. I love your hearts. And I commend you for obeying God's word.

July 2008 Adoption Update

Hooray!

We found out this morning that Adelia is now legally free- meaning that the court has terminated her birth parents' rights, and she is now officially available for adoption!

Praise God! In my mind and heart it's been 99.9% official this entire time, and I really would have been shocked if it did not go this way.

And yet, upon hearing the news this morning, I burst into tears. It was so good for my heart to know that this precious girl of ours really gets to be ours.

A side note: I think this is the first time in both of our kids' adoptions that something has happened BEFORE they told us it would happen. This has been a super quick process so far. Everyone says so. Sometimes this process (with very similar birth-parent scenarios) can take years. Adelia has been with us for 4 months. Just another testimony to God's hand in every detail of this. I am so grateful.

So now we move forward on the adoption process, which will probably take about three months.



[The above photo was taken by Amy on Tuesday of this week.]

All about Addie

Wow. So I hardly even know where to begin to catch you up on our new little girl and the past three weeks with her. Three weeks?! ~gasp!~ Has it really been that long? I have been absolutely remiss in not posting an update sooner. My apologies.

Okay, I'll just plunge right in.

At the moment I'm sitting in bed. It's nearly midnight. To my left is Addie's bassinet, and she's sighing contentedly in her sleep. If all goes well she'll sleep until about 3:00, when she'll want to get up and eat. Mark will get up, get the bottle ready, change her diaper, and pass her off to me so that I can feed her. (I know. He's the greatest.) One of the things we have done with our adopted children is that I exclusively get to do all of their bottle feedings. (It's sort of our way of ensuring that they get that bonding time with mama that we would normally get through breastfeeding.) I'm so thankful Mark is supportive and encouraging of that.

I am incredibly grateful for this sweet girl. In so many ways God answered my specific prayers for this child. Just one example: Our foster license was for a child (or two) ages 0-3. We were praying for a baby girl or a sibling set with a baby girl in it. I so much wanted a baby so that the whole attachment/bonding part would be easier. Isaias came home to us at 9 months, and even though he was still a baby, we missed a LOT. For this adoption, I had specifically prayed for a baby girl younger than 6 months. (Mind you, no one else was praying for that. Just me.) Never in my wildest dreams did I even think to pray for a baby less than one month old. And yet- God in His graciousness brought us Addie. And with the exception of those first 26 days of her life, I won't have to miss a thing.
These past few weeks with Addie have been great. The transition of her into our family has been seamless. I am amazed at how Ella, Isaac and Isaias just get it. They understand that Addie is different than Baby, that she is their sister, and that she'll be staying. Just this morning on the way home from church, Isaac was talking about Baby and how we had her but then "we had to give her back. And now we have Addie but we don't have to give her back because we're gonna' adopt her." Yep.

Here's a rundown on the family dynamics with a new baby in the house:
Mark, I've already told you about. He's the best. He gets up for ALL nighttime feedings, dear readers. Every one. He has been extra helpful around the house, he adores his new little girl. It is a joy to see him again with a baby of ours. He's so good at this daddy-to-a-baby thing.

Ella is her wonderful nurturing self. She *loves* having a baby sister in Addie, and is so good with her. She and I are currently in fierce competition to see who can get Addie to smile for us. (She smiles often, and is starting to coo. Which I love.)

Isaac is very sweet with Addie. It always takes him awhile to warm up so he'll be way more into her within the next few weeks. (He was that way with Baby, too. Kind of disinterested at first, but after a few weeks was chatting with her, affectionate with her, and taking special interest in her. It'll come.) He has noticed, however, that my arms are nearly always full. I just need to make an extra effort to pull him into my arms or onto my lap when I'm able to.

Isaias is a very gentle and attentive big brother. It has been fun to watch him in this role. He asks frequently throughout the day, "Mommy, can I kiss Addie on her cheek?" Or, "Mommy, can I hold Addie?" Very sweet.

Some questions keep cropping up in emails, comments, and conversation, so I'm going to take a second to answer the most frequent of those:

Q: Was Adelia her name already or did you name her?
A: We named her. She legally has another name entirely, but we're changing it.

Q: Is she officially adopted yet?
A: No. We are fostering her with the intent to adopt her. Nothing is legal yet. But the courts are already moving towards her being placed permanently with us. There is little to no chance that she will not be ours, simply based on the circumstances of this case.

Q: How is she doing in terms of testing positive for cocaine at birth?
A: She is doing GREAT! Addie was not in withdrawal when she came home to us. She had already gone through withdrawal at the center she was at. For those first few days her feedings were taking a long time, and during much of that time we were really working to keep her awake to eat. But that is no more. She slurps down her bottles happily and is awake for nearly every feeding. She's also gaining weight steadily. (The day we got her she was 7 lbs, 6 oz. Exactly one week later she was up to 8 lbs, 3 oz.) She is most definitely thriving. It's now been a couple of weeks since she's been weighed, but I'm sure she's up past 9 lbs at this point.

There have been no other symptoms of the drug that we can see. She seems like a perfectly average newborn to us. (Just far more adorable than average.)

One of the things we learned about cocaine-affected babies is that the make-up of the drug itself changes from year to year. So a cocaine-affected baby two years ago may have exhibited completely different symptoms than we're seeing (or not seeing) in Addie, because there may be a different component to the drug (ie- they found a cheaper way to make it and are using something else.)

Down the road we may see symptoms of the drug but we're trying not to look for it.

***

I am sure there are other questions you have, so... feel free to ask away. I'm an open book and if there's anything you're itching to know, please do ask and I'll answer it in another post! :)

One more thing... I have been overwhelmed at all the packages arriving at our door from none-other-than YOU, my bloggy friends! Thank you so much!... from all of us. Several of you have made something for Addie, too- and those are my favorite kind of gifts. I am so impressed with your handiwork! :) I don't know how many times I've said to Mark, "And, honey. I don't even know this person. They just read my blog. Can you even believe this?" Thank you so very, very much for your kindness.


Blessings to you and yours today!

Part 5: Final thoughts

In Part 1 I eluded to this chapter in the "book" of our lives, and the whys of it. I have known from the beginning that one of the main reasons -if not the only reason- that Baby entered our lives was so that we could cover her in prayer. That was absolutely clear to me from the moment she was in my arms. This precious little girl I beheld~ and what would her future hold? And so I have prayed for her future. I have prayed for her parents, her siblings, her home, for others in her life. I have prayed for her protection, (in fact, I specifically asked God to dispatch another angel to guard her life. I feel sure that He has.) I prayed for her purity, for her character. I have especially prayed for her salvation.

One of the best gifts I could give this child was to pray for her. That has not ceased now that she's gone. I continue to pray for this sweet girl, and intend to do so in the years to come.

I know that she will always hold a piece of my heart, this Baby. I told the kids a couple of weeks ago- (did I mention this already in this series? I forget....)- that I hope there will come a day, here in town, when our family will be walking through a store and will hear her name called. I'll freeze, turn, and get to catch a glimpse of her~ at whatever age she may then be. And I will remember holding her, kissing the top of her baby-soft head, and loving her.

And if that opportunity never comes, I have great hope that someday I will get to see her in heaven. And that thought right there makes me all teary.

There are two other reasons I see for this chapter of our lives.

One: It was a unique opportunity for our family- not just Mark and I, but our children, too- to minister alongside of each other. They all came aboard this project and each one felt the responsibility of "taking care" of Baby, for this season, until she could go back to her birthmom. They helped. They loved. (Oh, how quick they are to love!) And our dear children joined with us in praying for her.

Two: We think this was a preview of more to come in the realm of foster care for our family. The idea of foster care has been on my heart before, but this experience cemented it for us. And, even with the challenges it brought, we would do it again in a heartbeat. My overwhelming thought is gratitude for the opportunity God gave us to love this little girl.

Other thoughts:

Something that was particularly challenging for me throughout these past few weeks is that most people didn't seem to understand why my heart ached as much as it did. I think especially since we got Addie as we were saying goodbye to Baby, people's response was more or less, "Well, now that you have Addie here, that makes it easy." And they sort of ignored the part that it was a difficult thing, this saying goodbye. And it's why I've droned on and on about it here on my blog. Because I can. :) (And truthfully, having Addie here did make it easier. My arms weren't empty; I had another baby to love and to hold and to care for. This time with the *huge* perk that she will (Lord willing) stay.) But the grief of Baby leaving was still very raw, even those first days Addie was here with us. I missed Baby. I had a connection with her I didn't yet have with Addie. (But no worry, I have it now.)

I want to say a special thank you to Tracy, Dawn, Overwhelmed With Joy, Maxine, and Lisa. Each of you have been or are currently foster moms and you were hugely supportive and prayerful for me over this past season. You were able to offer me words of comfort and prayers from a place of having been there, and that so ministered to me. Thank you for allowing God to use you in that way!

Some more thoughts...

Something I've said several times in my life: "I could never do foster care. I'd never be able to say goodbye to them. I just couldn't do it." It's a lie. I can do it (through Christ who strengthens me). I did do it. And I hope to do it again. (And I'm not even sobbing over Baby anymore. It's more like a pang in my heart when I think of her, but that's just a prompting to pray for her, and I'm thankful for it.)

Another thing I worried about: "It will be so hard for my kids to say goodbye. They'll love this little one like a sister and then all of a sudden she'll be gone from their lives? How will they handle that?" They handle it much better than we do, dear readers. Much better. Kids are just resilient. They bounce back and carry on. It's simple in their minds, somehow. An example of this: A few days after Baby had left, I was a bit tearful over it and asked Ella, "Honey, are you missing Baby?" Her response: "No. I don't even remember what she looks like, or what her cry was like or anything. I just forget." Pretty matter-of-fact.

One thing I did think of as we said goodbye that morning: It would be much, much harder if Baby were older. A goodbye would be far more challenging with the added difficulty of explaining- somehow- what was happening to an older child. But when that time comes, God's grace is sufficient.

And. I do hope and pray that some of you will consider getting your foster care license. I absolutely think that it is the church (us!) that should be rallying around these orphans in the foster care system. Because we can offer them the love of Jesus, we can offer them Hope.

I read something Sara Groves said regarding a CD she'd put out, (and this is not a quote by any means), but she said something about how she was convicted about the amount of time she had spent grooming her own faith, and how God had challenged and stretched her to look outward. (And her new CD was a response to what God was doing in her heart.)

This made me wonder if sometimes we don't do that with our own families. We read books, blogs, we figure out just what we can do and how we can do it better, we groom our families. While I absolutely agree that our husbands and children should be our priority -next to God- I wonder if we are doing that at the expense of reaching out to the orphans? Perhaps God would call us out, expanding our vision of family, stirring our hearts and lives to embrace these children that so desperately need a safe place, the security of a loving daddy and mommy, the structure and routine of a family life, the hope of Jesus Christ.