The picture above shows our two adopted children, Isaias (5), adopted from Guatemala when he was 9 months old; and Adelia (2), adopted through our state's foster/adopt program when she was less than a month old.
I want so much to share my passion for adoption with you throughout the month of November. I have prayed that God would give me the words to express my heart, and that He would use this series of posts to stir some of you to move forward on this journey. (Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you. I want some of *you* to end up fostering and/or adopting! And I'm praying it would be so. I have read your emails, and tucked your stories into my heart and prayers, and I know there are many of you who have pondered this and thought, "Someday... maybe we'll do that." I'm hoping God will use these posts~ amongst all the other ways He will choose to speak to you~ to encourage you to take that next step.)
I hope to cover these topics, to name a few:
- attachment/bonding
- what to do when your husband doesn't want to adopt
- fears
- blending of biological/adopted kids in one family
- our own process
- foster care: one family's story
Here's a question to get us started: What do you think are some fears people have when they consider foster care and/or adoption? These fears may be your own, or fears you've heard from others.
I'll start. My fears, throughout our journey, have been many, ranging from financial worries: How will we ever be able to afford this?! to a pressing fear of the unknown: What kind of child will we end up with? Can I do this? Will I be able to love/parent that child rightly?
Your turn. Leave a comment! Feel free to do so anonymously if that will be the difference between you leaving a comment and not.
[Next up: God's heart for the orphan]
I'm so excited that you're doing this series, Stacy! My family has been significantly shaped by adoption, including an internationally adopted cousin who just arrived home last month. I often wonder if God has adoption or fostering in store for my husband and me. Thanks for your heart to stir others up to this wonderfully important line of "good works!"
ReplyDeleteI've been so excited for November to arrive :) And I was hoping you would post on the first day too!! You know adoption is very close to our hearts!
ReplyDeleteFears have been a big issue for me this time around.....and you would think that when you've adopted three times before it would be quite the opposite!
Oh and I LOVE the picture at the top!!
I'm looking forward to this series Stacy!
ReplyDeleteI don't personally have any fear about adoption, but I have one about fostering. My concern is that we might receive a child whose needs would negatively disrupt the pattern of life for my other kids, and/or overwhelm the mama. I guess I'm particularly thinking in terms of homeschooling here. It takes a LOT of work for me to manage my home, shepherd my kiddos, and keep up with schoolwork... it's hard to imagine rolling a foster child into that. Just being honest.
ReplyDeleteJace and I met with a social worker last year to discuss the process of becoming foster parents. After praying about it, we felt that we needed to wait until our kids were a bit older. Maizie had just turned one and we wanted to wait until she was at least two or three. (We would want to foster in the 0-2 age range for now.) I have such a heart for these little ones, and an absolutely aching desire to love their socks off and be Jesus to them, but I feel overwhelmed enough just with my current responsibilities.
I'm so looking forward to hearing your perspective on some of these issues, Stacy! I really appreciate your heart.
Stacy, as you know I attended the Baby Conference this summer and a huge focus was on adoption. I have always wanted to adopt (my husband calls it my Laura Ingalls Wilder wanna be). My biggest fear has always been how they would fit with the other chidren and most likely would have some 'issues' and how I would mangage to Love that child and teach them about Jesus without sacrificing my blessings. Honestly, I never even thought about the financial aspect until I read the comment above.
ReplyDeleteI am excited about how God is going to use you through these posts. Blessings
This is wonderful, Stacy! You do the body of Christ such a service with this sharing. Thank you for being a resource for families and for sharing the heart of the Father with all of us.
ReplyDelete(btw, your blog design is absolutely perfect! i just love it.)
love to you as you write!
Exciting! We are currently foster parents...after having troubles w/infertility and then having one of our own, our eyes were opened to the needs. We are also in the process of adopting one of our foster children - soon, we hope!! One of the fears I originally had was 'giving them back'. But many things happened to change that fear - maybe it's too long of a story for this comments section, but one part of it was that God explained to me that it's not about ME but the families that He is putting back together. Fostering is not about us keeping the kids, but about the birth families getting a shot at redemption. There's more, but that's one thing that God spoke to me about. Now that we are fostering, I hear lots of people say, "Oh I could never do that!" I am frustrated by that and I don't know how to respond. Finally I just asked someone, "Why not?" And now I ask a lot of people. Most of their answers are about the kids being social deviants, horribly misbehaved and well, unlovable. That was an honest answer I didn't expect! Our experience has found otherwise - don't get me wrong, we've had some kids w/behavior issues and stuff, but nothing like these people imagined. I'm afraid TV and movies have given kids in care a bad rap. Well, I could talk forever about this, but I just wanted to share a bit about some of the fears and concerns I've experienced. I'm grateful for others like you who are willing and able to write/talk about this! Thank you for sharing your story - can't wait to read more...
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading these posts...I keep running into people who have adopted and have foster children, but yeah, it seems scary even though God calls us to care for orphans.
ReplyDeleteMy fears...space in our home, finances, could I love a new child if they were difficult?, if they had been abused would they act that out toward my children making an unsafe place for them...
I will keep reading and pondering. I am so thankful for your blog!
I just love you all so much. I really do. You are the sweetest blog readers on the planet. :)
ReplyDeleteCara~
Now that I know your story I am going to be praying for you by NAME, girl! :) And congratulations on a newly adopted cousin! Hooray!
Sarah~
Yay! Me too! Praying for you, friend... as you battle the fears and press forward to what God has called you to!
Candice~
Thank you!
Jodi~
Thank you for sharing, Jodi. Mark and I have had those same conversations-- even recently! We'll talk more about those things this month on the blog, too.
Carolynn~
I didn't know that about the Baby Conference! Cool! :) I think that's a normal fear... and one Mark and I have considered, again and again... (the whole: how will this affect our biological children question). We'll talk more about that this month!
Tonia~
Sweet Tonia: thank you for your kind words. (((love you)))
DramaMama~
Wow. Bless you for living it! And how exciting that you are in the process of adopting! Hooray!
I think the "giving them back" is the most difficult part of fostering, for sure... it broke me. But, yes- you have to come to a place of trusting that that child is known and loved by God, and that He is ordering that child's life!
Good for you to ask, "Why not?" :) Sounds like you're getting some honest answers but what a great conversation to get into with people!
Anonymous~
Thank you for sharing so openly. We will talk more about some of your (very normal!) fears... I have had so many of those myself so it will be easy to write about them. It is a scary, unknown thing. :) Love to you...
Blessings to each and every one of you!
~Stacy
SO excited for this series!!! As this topic is near and dear to my families heart right now. My husbands biggest fear is how will we be able to afford raising another child? (we already have 3 of our own). My biggest fear is bonding. Will I love this child as much as I love my *own*? Plus the whole process in general- the home studies and waiting feels overwhelming to me as well!! Thanks for being so open!
ReplyDeleteKara
So looking forward to this series. You know my story pretty much :o)
ReplyDeleteMy biggest fear is being able to handle another child with possible special needs. We have talked about adopting through the "system" where we live. All these kids are typically removed from their parents.. honestly one day I am all over it and the next I can't imagine how i would do it. Ultimately, it is His grace that would sustain me.
I am really looking forward to this series. I've been reading your blog for a couple of years but have never commented until now (I guess you could call me the ultimate lurker). :-) We are a cross-cultural (my husband and I are from different countries) missionary family living in my husband's home country in western Europe. Adoption and fostering is something that I've had on my heart even from a young age, but my husband isn't exactly on the same page as me. I remember us discussing it before we got married, and he had a few adoption "horror" stories he'd heard growing up that had really negatively affected the way he thought about adoption. (Similar to what DramaMama shared.) The adoption/fostering laws are sooo different where we live than in the States, but I believe your series will still be very relevant for us as we seek God's will in this. One thing that I've really been pondering lately is this : what are my motives in wanting to adopt/foster? We have 2 precious children (6 and 4) and would love to have more, but after several years of miscarriages and other issues, it doesn't seem possible. I am coming to the place where I can accept that and trust that God is sovereign in this area of my life (it's been a long, hard, and painful process), but I'm questioning my motives for wanting to consider adopting or fostering. Is it out of selfish motives - just because I am desperate to have a baby in my arms? This is definitely something not to be taken lightly nor to be done out of selfishness or for personal gain. But I know there are so many children who need a home, and look forward to reading about your experiences.
ReplyDeleteSarah
Kara~
ReplyDeleteYay! Me too! :) Thank you for sharing... I've written a whole post on fears and will cover those things in a few days... :)
Sandi~
Yep. I know your story and I pray for you, friend! I'll "talk" more about this in upcoming posts, but I think the key is that last thing you said: it is His grace that would sustain you. YES!
Sarah~
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment and share what's on your heart here. After reading about your painful process of infertility and miscarriages, I wish I could give you a big hug. I love the things you shared and I have so much to say about all of them, but I want to touch on the last thing you said right now, regarding your motivation to adopt. This is what I think: God created you and in your words you (and your husband, I'm presuming) would love to have more children. I think that desire is a desire God has placed in you. I don't think it's selfish at ALL.
Love to you~
My little one needs me so off I go...
~Stacy
I have thought much about adopting, Stacy! My husband, however, was part of a family that foster adopted a girl (at the age of 8). It was a terribly negative experience for the whole family, ending when the girl ran away at age 16, devastating my husband's father. My husband has always firmly said, "We will never adopt!" We have three of our own children, and I am unable to carry another pregnancy. We just began a journey to raise money for the drilling of wells in Africa, which has once again awakened my heart for adoption. Thanks for your prayers for our family :)
ReplyDeleteStacy,
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited to hear more of what you have to share on so many issues. I echo some of the other commenter's thoughts, fears, questions, so I will just look forward to the rest of the month! :)
We have four wonderful children, two biological and two through adotion.
ReplyDeleteYou know what, I wouldn't have our family any other way, but I will also be the first to admit that it has also been a n emotional roller coaster ride. This has certainly not be all easy.
Here are a few "common fears" that I often hear about adoption:
What if it doesn't work? Then what?
(this is really referencing the fears concerning bonding and or blending a family)
What if a parent "turns up"?
This is a question where the answer will vary greatly from state to state. We happen to live in a state that this is not a threatening question. Our state has enacted the responsible father act and further when consent is signed by the birth mother (or birth parents), it is irreversible.
This is great Stacy, thank you, I look forward to the upcoming posts and discussions.
Stacy,
ReplyDeleteI love reading all of these posts...I can honestly say each one of them touches something that I've felt or feared or been through. Our journey of foster-adopt began a year ago...God prodded my husband's heart. He had been closed to the thought of adoption...based on his own family's experience. But God...I love that...but God...stirred in his heart through people, His word, and all the many interesting ways He works changed Bryan's heart. HE brought us to this journey and is carrying us through it. One incredible teaching we listened to a few months ago dealt with worry and anxiety about future...the preacher linked two very important passages together. One being in Matthew "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough troubles of its own." He commented that there will be troubles tomorrow, but that doesn't mean to bring them into today...because (and I love this) in Lamentations He says "my mercies are new each morning". So, when we wake up tomorrow, we have new troubles BUT we are given new mercies for those troubles. That was huge for us in this journey...one day at a time...totally dependent on Him.
Keep up the great posts...
Sandi C. (also your cousin!)
I'm so excited for this series, Stacy-- thanks so much for doing this!
ReplyDeleteI do have some thoughts and fears to share, and hopefully sometime in the next couple of days I'll get a chance to come up here and type them all out!
Lots of love to you!
Anonymous~
ReplyDeleteOh, that is so sad to hear about your husband's experience. :( I will most certainly pray for you-- (and already have). That's wonderful you are working on raising money for the drilling of wells in Africa! What a wonderfully generous idea! Thank you for taking the time to comment!
Colleen~
Hi Colleen! Thanks for stopping in. :) How are you guys doing?!
LeAnn~
Yes. I hear you, LeAnn. It has not been easy for us, either, at times. Blessings to you and your husband for living it, though. I am praying for you, that God would strengthen you and give you great wisdom!
Sandi~
How fun that you're here! :) I remember that; that he wasn't open to adopting. But how amazing is it that God can fully change someone's heart like that?!?!?! I love it! :)
Love to you, sweet cousin of mine!
Beka~
Hello, dear Beka. :) (((Hugs))) to you!
~Stacy
These children are beautiful! God bless them!
ReplyDeletewww.jw.org