Green pastures in the middle of the muck

God has a beautiful way of reminding me of His words of truth exactly when I need them.


It was last week, sometime, early on a Monday morning when I had gone into my room to sneak in a few minutes with the Lord.  Most of the kids were up, but Audra (7) still slept. I was glad she was sleeping because she's been really tired (read: emotional), and I don't think she's getting enough sleep.

I sort of have this idea that we should be quiet and considerate when others are sleeping.  I just think that's a nice thing to do.  So it's one of the rules that the kids stay away from the bedrooms/hallways of sleeping siblings.  So as I sat quietly journaling, attempting to align my heart to His for the full school day ahead, suddenly one of the kids busted into my room to ask me a question.  Loudly.  Since I had heard this particular child being REALLY noisy in the other room, I reminded this child of the sleeping sister.  Then another one of the kids came into the hallway (so very near Audra's door) and started talking to us.  I tried to shoo them all out of the hallway area and before you know it, a third child was there and suddenly there is bickering between two children and my stress that has been rising just bursts right open.  So I spill sin out in irritation and frustration and harshness, and command everyone away, NOW.

And then I turn again to my time with Jesus. Whereupon I have to confess and repent and then get on up and go make things right with all the people I hurt in the hallway and then plead for quiet and return.

I've been reading through the Psalms, and I picked up where I'd left off.  Psalm 23.
The LORD is my shepherd, 
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, 
he leads me beside quiet waters, 
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Honestly, I could barely read it because this does not resemble my life, as much as I want it to.  I wrote these above verses down in my journal and wrote these notes beside them:

*I WANT green pastures, LORD.
*and ESPECIALLY quiet waters. (emphasis on quiet)
*Seriously, HOW do I find *those* in the midst of THIS?!?!

I never even got to finish that journal entry because I got interrupted again.  But I kept those few verses at the forefront of my mind as I went about my day and I puzzled over the incongruency of that serene picture verses my actual life.

As I pondered those words, I realized something that seemed profound to me that day.  (Now, I'm sure it's not actually profound and that God has whispered this to me several times before, but it was what I needed to be reminded afresh that day.)

There are a lot of us here, crammed into our house, full of our sinful selves, and there is a lot to accomplish each day in terms of school and chores and just relating to each other well.  It can get SO crazy.  (Meaning mostly that I can get so anxious/stressed/uptight.)  And God reminded me through these verses that those words are indeed for me, too, the crazy homeschooling mom.  Even the green-pastures-quiet-waters parts.  Because I can be calm and my spirit can be quieted and that makes all the difference.  I am able to rest in Him and to trust in Him and *not freak out* over things-- internally or outwardly (harshness, angst, irritation).

And I can do that because He lives within me.  So I asked Him to quiet my spirit, to be Lord over my mind and to lead me throughout the rest of our day.  (I need that reminder every single day, apparently, because my go-to in the craziness just doesn't happen to be a calm and gentle spirit.)


Then again, today, we had a really rough morning.  I was trying to get something done with the kids and one of them was working equally hard to sabotage my plans.  Or so it seemed.

Fast-forward to many (failed) attempts by me and many (successful) attempts by my child and I was all done.  I literally walked out the front door and took a walk around the block to cool my temper.  And then I came in, sat down, and sobbed. My internal recorder during these moments is this, on repeat: "I can't do this.  I cannot do this." Which isn't healthy, helpful, or true, I realize, but there it is.

So, hours later I sit down to process this all in my journal and I told Jesus that I needed a TRUE thing to repeat to myself, and would He give it?

And I turn to where I'm reading in the Psalms and read the next set of verses and here it is:

That's now taped into my journal so that I can be reminded of truth.  Right smack in the middle of my chaos and my helplessness and weariness, He gives strength, He blesses with peace.  He did, too.  The start of our day was rocky but we finished well today, and He strengthened and brought peace into the crazy.  I am so grateful for Him.  And I am thankful that He is busy refining me even though it's hard and there's a lot of refining to do.

Love to you, sweet friends.  May He strengthen you, too, with His word.

Children growing

Okay, I've had more than a few of you mention that it's been a long time since you've seen pictures of the kids and that they are so.grown.up. 

Tell me about it.

I can't even handle it.

It makes my heart ache in spite of the fact that this is what is supposed to happen and we want for them to do this growing.  So for this post: pictures and updates.  :)

Let's just start with my beautiful Ella~

This morning in church there was a young couple sitting in front of us. They have one little girl.  I thought of this mother and her sweet little girl and what their days must be like together.  It really doesn't seem like it can be possible that it has been fourteen years since it was just the two of us, me and Ella, sharing our days while Mark was at work. We would sleep as long as we could, then lay on our backs and read books together.  We chatted and played and did everything together, her and I.  When Mark came home from work we'd be waiting at the window and she would squeal with delight at the sight of him.  This morning I glanced down the row and let my eyes rest on my dear Ella girl for a moment.  Those days are far behind us.  Now she's nearly as tall as me.  Truly.  It sort of stuns me, actually-- how old she is and how fast this has all gone.  I love her so. 

Ella is always singing.  She is cheerful, sweet, kind, thoughtful, responsible, prayerful, compassionate, encouraging and helpful.  She has a great sense of humor.  She loves all babies and little children.  She loves to bake.  She plays piano beautifully.  She loves to read and is an excellent writer.  She loves being outside.  She knows so much about birds and flowers and seeds and plants.  She loves to garden and tend all living things.  She is creative and loves practicing her handwriting with me.  :) She plays with and leads her younger siblings well.  She loves God so much, and for that I am most thankful.  She is a dear girl and has grown into a sweet friend of mine.

Then there's my Isaac, who is imaginative, creative, soft-spoken, thoughtful, thorough, brilliant, sensitive, kind and gentle boy.  He is such an artist and he loves to figure things out.  He likes to draw comics and writes stories and still astonishes us with his great LEGO creations.  He is so inventive.  He loves baseball and whittling with his knife and puzzles of all kinds.  He is grateful and thoughtful.  He is the first to offer to pray for me whenever I'm feeling sick or when he can tell that I am stressed.  He will come up to me and say, "Mommy?  Can I pray for you right now?" And proceed to lay his hand on me and pray fervently.  He has a genuine faith and strong, quiet conviction.  He reminds me so much of his daddy. 

Isaias is eleven and my most helpful and hard-working child.  Any time he sees me in the kitchen he comes in to ask if there's anything he can do to help.  (That's SEVERAL times a day, mind you.  I'm in the kitchen a lot.)  He is goofy, playful, and teachable.  He is all boy, and loves being outside and doing anything active.  He likes to read, he likes animals, football, and he is a kind boy.  He has grown so much in truthfulness and in his faith.  He is physically strong and is growing such good spiritual muscles, too.

Adelia is my eight-year-old full of energy and questions.  She is so social that she constantly wants to talk and know what's happening next and who's doing what and what did that person say and why can't I do/have this or that?  She is always loudly bounding around the house trying to find someone who will play with her.  She has a great sense of humor and keeps us all laughing.  She loves snuggling up on the couch and being read to.  She also loves the water, and would swim every single day if she could.  She is generous and feisty and stubborn.  She has grown so much in empathy and in recognizing when she's in the wrong, and is learning how to accept no and not to argue with mommy about every single thing.  She is the one for whom I most often take to my knees in prayer for during this season of parenting, asking God to grant me wisdom, understanding, graciousness, and kindness rather than exasperation or anger.  She is a delight, and I can't wait to see how God will use her strong personality for His glory.

Audra is seven and sweet.  She is cuddly, sensitive, chatty and creative.  She is our paper crafter.  She always has some paper craft in process-- and we are all often stepping around her piles of paper scraps and tape (dollhouses made of cardboard and cardstock, whole life-sized creatures taped together with paper, board games, dolls and toys.  You name it and she's made it with paper.)  She loves to be outside, and is also a little nature lover.  She holds my hand wherever we go and still tells me I'm the best mommy in the whole wide world. (She's also currently the smiliest for the camera!)


Evaluating our School Year: Plutarch

This post is part of a series I'm doing as a way to evaluate our school year. I am covering each subject, describing what we did; what worked for us and what didn't work; and detailing any changes I plan to make. I find this process so helpful as I finish out our year and before I begin to plan for our next year.  (I realize many of you have started school already and are beyond this point, as am I, but it's taken me longer than I thought to finish this series, and I'm determined to finish!)

I'm guessing a lot of my readers don't know who Plutarch is.  No worries.  I didn't either, until I started seeing Plutarch show up on the schedules at Ambleside.  That was two years ago.  I looked at it, read a bit of it, said "Nope." and skipped it for the year.  

Last year I looked at it again, read a bit of it, and thought, "Well.  There are study guides.  And we could try it."  So this past year was our first year to tackle Plutarch.  

As to who he is?  Plutarch was a biographer who lived from 46-120 AD.  Basically he wrote about the lives of the famous Greeks and Romans.  

Last year we made it through ONE life:  Marcus Crassus.  

I printed out the text and Anne White's study notes (found HERE), and we slooooowly made our way through it.  Once a week, I pulled the pages out and I'd read a paragraph.  After reading, I would call on one of the older kids to narrate it back to me.  (If they looked confused, I would try to narrate it.)  We might do another two or three paragraphs, depending on how well it was going.  Sometimes my kids drew as I read-- sketching out a scene as I was reading-- but mostly we all had to work hard to listen.

Plutarch isn't easy reading by any means.  And that's actually one of the reasons I pressed on.  It's satisfying to have to work really hard at understanding something and then to GET IT.  Also, my boys, especially, really liked it.  (There were battles and vying for power and big egos and they dig that kind of thing.)  Charlotte Mason said:
Plutarch's Lives, . . . I think, stand alone in literature as teaching that a man is part of the State, that his business is to be of service to the State, but that the value of his service depends upon his personal character."
Yes, that.  That is the final reason we pressed on and will continue with Plutarch.  As we read through the life of Marcus Crassus, we were introduced to the character (or lack thereof) of the man.  We would read about a decision he made and discuss: Why did he made that choice?  Was there wisdom in that decision?  What was his motivation?  What do YOU think you would have done?  Valuable discussions took place as we examined his life and leadership.  
We began another life at the tail end of last year, and will continue it for this year.  Slowly and steadily, once a week.  


Hello, sweet friends~

We're doing this thing.  School is back in session and- you know what?  I love it so much.

Am I tired?  Um, yes.

Did I forget how often it is that every single child seems to need me right now, and all at once?  Yes.

Did I forget how difficult it is to juggle the dishes, the laundry, the meals, AND school?  Uh, yeah.

Have we been behind my schedule every single day thus far?  YES.

And yet, we are here together, getting up early, cracking open the Bible at the table, singing, praying, talking, puzzling together over challenging math problems, cozying up under blankets to read good books, growing in patience and love for one another, learning to serve each other, and sharing it all with daddy when he gets home.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  These are sweet, sweet years and I understand that even in the craziness of them.  I am so blessed.  I love my kids and the time I get with them.. 

Another highlight:  Last night Ella made dinner for the whole family.  She was amazing.  She had to thaw and then cook the meat and roast sweet potatoes earlier in the day and then layer it all in the slow cooker for dinner, hours before we ate.  She's on for Wednesday dinners for the rest of the year and I don't quite know what to do with myself as she takes command in my kitchen.  She kept saying, "I've got this, mommy.  You're hovering."  :)  And I was.  The kitchen is sort of my domain.  She's done all sorts of baking and assisting and has been in charge of breakfasts and lunches, but has never been solely responsible for the evening meal.  She made a delicious meal for us and we were all so blessed.

So this is happening today at our house:

Our dry erase board this morning

I have been scrambling these past two days to be ready enough to start.  Mark took three days off for me to plan this summer, and even those weren't enough.  Apparently I need a whole week next year. 

It was after midnight when we went to sleep, and at 3 am our neighbor's dog began barking INCESSANTLY.  Clearly the neighbors were not home to shush her, so on and on she went, for three whole hours, keeping Mark and I awake.  I also have a toothache that made my whole jaw hurt during the night. 

And yet- today, we begin.  I am purposing to be up early this year, getting even a bit of time with Jesus in before I see anyone else.  And I need Him so much today.  Feeling so depleted and exhausted and we haven't even officially begun this day with all the demands and struggles it will hold.

And this is good.  Nothing happens by my own strength and I am thankful for trials lest I forget it.

Here is the treasure I came across this morning:
But you, O LORD, be not far off, O my strength, come quickly to help me. Psalm 22:19
I have asked God to stand in and be my help and strength; for the Holy Spirit to empower me to be kind, patient and loving.

May He be YOUR strength today, too, dear friends.