Part 5: Final thoughts

In Part 1 I eluded to this chapter in the "book" of our lives, and the whys of it. I have known from the beginning that one of the main reasons -if not the only reason- that Baby entered our lives was so that we could cover her in prayer. That was absolutely clear to me from the moment she was in my arms. This precious little girl I beheld~ and what would her future hold? And so I have prayed for her future. I have prayed for her parents, her siblings, her home, for others in her life. I have prayed for her protection, (in fact, I specifically asked God to dispatch another angel to guard her life. I feel sure that He has.) I prayed for her purity, for her character. I have especially prayed for her salvation.

One of the best gifts I could give this child was to pray for her. That has not ceased now that she's gone. I continue to pray for this sweet girl, and intend to do so in the years to come.

I know that she will always hold a piece of my heart, this Baby. I told the kids a couple of weeks ago- (did I mention this already in this series? I forget....)- that I hope there will come a day, here in town, when our family will be walking through a store and will hear her name called. I'll freeze, turn, and get to catch a glimpse of her~ at whatever age she may then be. And I will remember holding her, kissing the top of her baby-soft head, and loving her.

And if that opportunity never comes, I have great hope that someday I will get to see her in heaven. And that thought right there makes me all teary.

There are two other reasons I see for this chapter of our lives.

One: It was a unique opportunity for our family- not just Mark and I, but our children, too- to minister alongside of each other. They all came aboard this project and each one felt the responsibility of "taking care" of Baby, for this season, until she could go back to her birthmom. They helped. They loved. (Oh, how quick they are to love!) And our dear children joined with us in praying for her.

Two: We think this was a preview of more to come in the realm of foster care for our family. The idea of foster care has been on my heart before, but this experience cemented it for us. And, even with the challenges it brought, we would do it again in a heartbeat. My overwhelming thought is gratitude for the opportunity God gave us to love this little girl.

Other thoughts:

Something that was particularly challenging for me throughout these past few weeks is that most people didn't seem to understand why my heart ached as much as it did. I think especially since we got Addie as we were saying goodbye to Baby, people's response was more or less, "Well, now that you have Addie here, that makes it easy." And they sort of ignored the part that it was a difficult thing, this saying goodbye. And it's why I've droned on and on about it here on my blog. Because I can. :) (And truthfully, having Addie here did make it easier. My arms weren't empty; I had another baby to love and to hold and to care for. This time with the *huge* perk that she will (Lord willing) stay.) But the grief of Baby leaving was still very raw, even those first days Addie was here with us. I missed Baby. I had a connection with her I didn't yet have with Addie. (But no worry, I have it now.)

I want to say a special thank you to Tracy, Dawn, Overwhelmed With Joy, Maxine, and Lisa. Each of you have been or are currently foster moms and you were hugely supportive and prayerful for me over this past season. You were able to offer me words of comfort and prayers from a place of having been there, and that so ministered to me. Thank you for allowing God to use you in that way!

Some more thoughts...

Something I've said several times in my life: "I could never do foster care. I'd never be able to say goodbye to them. I just couldn't do it." It's a lie. I can do it (through Christ who strengthens me). I did do it. And I hope to do it again. (And I'm not even sobbing over Baby anymore. It's more like a pang in my heart when I think of her, but that's just a prompting to pray for her, and I'm thankful for it.)

Another thing I worried about: "It will be so hard for my kids to say goodbye. They'll love this little one like a sister and then all of a sudden she'll be gone from their lives? How will they handle that?" They handle it much better than we do, dear readers. Much better. Kids are just resilient. They bounce back and carry on. It's simple in their minds, somehow. An example of this: A few days after Baby had left, I was a bit tearful over it and asked Ella, "Honey, are you missing Baby?" Her response: "No. I don't even remember what she looks like, or what her cry was like or anything. I just forget." Pretty matter-of-fact.

One thing I did think of as we said goodbye that morning: It would be much, much harder if Baby were older. A goodbye would be far more challenging with the added difficulty of explaining- somehow- what was happening to an older child. But when that time comes, God's grace is sufficient.

And. I do hope and pray that some of you will consider getting your foster care license. I absolutely think that it is the church (us!) that should be rallying around these orphans in the foster care system. Because we can offer them the love of Jesus, we can offer them Hope.

I read something Sara Groves said regarding a CD she'd put out, (and this is not a quote by any means), but she said something about how she was convicted about the amount of time she had spent grooming her own faith, and how God had challenged and stretched her to look outward. (And her new CD was a response to what God was doing in her heart.)

This made me wonder if sometimes we don't do that with our own families. We read books, blogs, we figure out just what we can do and how we can do it better, we groom our families. While I absolutely agree that our husbands and children should be our priority -next to God- I wonder if we are doing that at the expense of reaching out to the orphans? Perhaps God would call us out, expanding our vision of family, stirring our hearts and lives to embrace these children that so desperately need a safe place, the security of a loving daddy and mommy, the structure and routine of a family life, the hope of Jesus Christ.