Thoughts on Day 1

* God's timing is so perfect. Our first full day with baby was also Mark's day off, so I had his help all day long!

* I'm not allowed to post pictures of baby *or* give you her name. That's hard for me to do. Especially the name part. It seems so generic to call her simply "baby". She is adorable. Really, so very sweet and a very good baby.

* Last night we discovered that she's a great sleeper, too! [...er, in my arms or right beside me, that is.] That made for quite the sleepless night for me, but she slept like a champ. [Another reason it was great to have Mark home today... I got a NAP this afternoon!]

* It's been hard for us to figure out what she needs, primarily when it comes to sleep (and how to get her to sleep!) Mark and I would normally let our babies cry it out a bit, but throw the word "neglect" at me and then I'm unsure if that's best. This morning I prayed, along with strength and energy for the day ahead, that God would give us real wisdom and discernment as to what she needs from us. On one hand I think that if she's going to go back to her birthmom it would behoove us to "train" her to be a good sleeper... then birthmom could lie her down and get a good night's sleep and be refreshed for the following day with her. But then I worry that if she was neglected, she may have spent time screaming with no one to comfort her, and maybe what she needs is love and attention. Anyway, we're figuring it out. God is faithful to lead us.

* Last night as I held her I just marveled at her little self. (Babies. One of the very *best* of God's creation, aren't they?)
Such tiny fingers!
Such a small head to cup and gather in close to my chest.
Hiccups!
Those light, contented sighs only a baby can give.
The little sucking they continue to do as they sleep!
Oh, so precious. We're all just loving it. I am so full of joy that we get to be her keeper for this season. Thankful to God that He would use us in this way in her little life.

* I absolutely feel like one of the reasons this little baby is with us is so that we can pray over her life. And we're doing it. Every time she's in my arms I'm whispering prayers over her. One time in particular, this morning, as I was holding her, my eyes welled up with tears and I got all choked up as I told her how very *much* Jesus loved her. And then I prayed for her; for her protection in the days and months and years to come, and that she would grow to know and love Jesus. And her whole family, too.

* When the social worker dropped her off last night, she came with two big bags full of stuff: diapers, bottles, formula, clothes. We (Ella and I) peeked at all the clothes but were a bit disappointed: so many of them were clearly generic (blue, green, yellow... some not even the right size.) Obviously it was stuff that they had at the office and just gathered it together to send her with something. She had nothing that was *hers*. Kind of sad, don't you think? Even the blankets were worn and dirty.

* I'd saved a small bin of clothes from when Ella was a baby, so we went through those things last night and added some pink and purple to her wardrobe! I also had a little bin of baby socks, hats, tights, onesies, so Ella spent about 30 minutes last night selecting pretty socks ["Oh! Mommy! I *love* this one! See the cute little flowers on these socks?"]

* Ella is practically walking on air. She is enthused about EVERY part of this. She's also a great helper in holding the baby and feeding the baby and getting stuff for me when I'm tied up with the baby. Isaac is disinterested for the most part, but sweet with her when he does tune in. He's been the most needy of me. He's my little snuggler so has said a few times today: "Mommy, I want to sit on your lap without her there." So I'm working at giving him a little extra love and attention, while at the same time teaching him that his needs can also be laid aside for others. Isaias has been sweet and gentle and very attentive. It's been very sweet to watch him with baby. He's always stopping in to rub her head and is very concerned when she cries.

* Baby had her first visit with birthmom today, too. Two or three times a week she'll have visitation. Two hours each time, supervised visits. Because Mark had the day off I offered to take the baby and pick her up after the two hours were up. I saw her birthmom and was briefly introduced: "This is the foster mom." First time I've been called that.

Birthmom is young, and looked tired and run down. She didn't make eye contact with me. I suppose I'm the enemy. I felt such compassion for her. I wanted to reach out and hug her, but of course I didn't. I prayed hard on the drive there and back, for the birthmom especially.

* We got another call today from the state (not our local office; but another city)... saying they had two little boys who needed a home. Another "emergency". Could we take them? Oh, there is such a need. I wish we had a bigger house, more rooms.

* One thing I know: God loves these babies, these broken, splintered families. We have prayed that He would give us His heart; that we would be captured by the things that capture His heart, and I truly believe He has answered that prayer. I am so thankful.

* I remember after we adopted Isaias so many people would say things like, "It's so wonderful that you're doing this." I was never quite sure how to respond to that. Because the only reason we're doing it is because of God- because of His work in and through us. At the time I marked this verse in my Bible, and I think it sums it up:

Not to us, O Lord, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness. (Psalm 115:1)