Bear with me as I continue to share about being a foster mom.
I was an emotional wreck last night.
Our small group was here, meeting in our home. They are an amazing group of people. They wanted to know all about Baby and her situation, and then when we prayed together at the end they prayed over her life and the lives of her siblings (she has three sisters, ages 3, 2, and 1. Yes. Four girls. That young. Her sisters are in another foster home (one that didn't want a baby in addition to the three.))
Anyway... our small group. Here. Praying. And while they prayed the tears streamed down my face. I was so incredibly blessed that these godly men and women were fervently praying for this little girl I've grown to love so much over the past three days. (Has it only been three days?) And I wondered: before Baby came into our home, just who was interceding for her and her family? Now there are so many. I am so thankful. God answers prayer. That is no small thing, and I do not take it lightly.
Then later on, as I rocked Baby before lying her down, I cupped her tiny head in my hand, held her close to me, and sang a blessing over her.
And I wept.
I climbed into the tub after that and cried there, too. And when I came into our bedroom, I wailed, "Honey, I didn't even like the name '------' three days ago and now I truly love her." And I do.
Amy asked me the first day if I felt like I was babysitting, and I said yes.
Boy, has that changed.
I have grown to love this baby girl like she is my own. I feel like she has become a part of us. Sad does not even begin to convey how I will feel upon her leaving.
Thirty days. That's what I was told today. I'm not sure if that's thirty days from yesterday, when the judge decided that, or from when she came. Either way, it will go by fast.
The most difficult part is that I don't know what will happen to this precious girl when she leaves here. Will she be safe? Will she be loved? Cared for? When she cries that dear little cry of hers will someone go to her? When she's hungry, will she be fed? Will she be held and rocked, sang to and snuggled?
I don't know.
In my journal today I wrote:
You know, oh, Lord, how much I love little '------'.
And I know, oh Lord, how much You love her.
And that is where my heart can find peace in all of this. Her Father in heaven *loves* her so much. When this precious girl leaves our home she may be out of my sight and out of my care, but she will never be out of His.
Never.
And that brings me great comfort.
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So well said, Stacy. Ultimately, that must be our hope for all of our children and everyone we love--His love.
ReplyDeleteIt's so amazing to read about your journey. Don't stop sharing.
Please go get to know my dear friend... her first foster child was a newborn baby girl. I was blessed to hold her and change her diapers and love her,too. :) Hearts were broken and that baby was bathed in prayer. My friend knows exactly what you are/will be going through; I bet she'll bless you.
ReplyDeletehttp://godnudges.blogspot.com
Hi Stacy :) Thanks for sharing your heart in such a beautiful way. I can't imagine how wonderful / how hard this is, but you are equipping me well to pray with you. What a joy! Kiss sweet baby girl's head for me :) Love, Q
ReplyDeleteWill be praying for her, your family, and her birthmom. I'm so thankful that your home was open to this precious little one.
ReplyDeletei can just feel your emotion! it is amazing how quickly we can open our hearts and love! what a huge blessing from God.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
missy
Stacy,
ReplyDeleteSo much love for this baby girl. She is truly blessed by you and by our mighty God. Love, Tami
When I was a teenager, there was a young woman who had a three year old girl, a two year old girl, a one year old girl, and a newborn boy. She was an acquaintance of a friend. She was barely in her 20's and seemed to love her kids, however she didn't have any way to provide for them. We decided to help her by taking the two younger girls while a friend of ours took the three year old for a short time, though we all wanted to adopt them! They were all covered in lice, had no clothes or shoes that fit, and were amazed when we went to a local buffet because there was so much food. We took them for about a month to relieve the mom... who was just diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Yeah, like that isn't a horrible situation!
ReplyDeleteLong story short, the littlest girl had hip problems and couldn't crawl. Her name was Maria, and her older sisters were Gloria and April. We totally fell in love with Maria specifically as she bonded so strongly to us in such a short time, though the other girls stole our hearts, too.
Long story short, we started a collection for them all at our church. Furniture, clothes, food, etc. all came in to help them when they left. Oh, and the day we took them back, little Maria stretched out her hands for my mom and wailed. It was so difficult.
We never knew what became of those little girls, or the rest of their family. We would love to know! But, they just "disappeared"...
Hang on to every moment with that little girl, Stacy. You never know what your love and prayers for this short time might do for her whole life. Won't it be fun to find out "on the other side"??
Praying for you,
KH
The tears are flowing, dear Stacy. Thank you *so much* for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteYes, we know how much our Father loves precious Baby, and He will surely care for her, for His eye is on even the tiny sparrows.
I can't imagine... the pulling... on your heart... but He knows, and He cares, and I know He will help you when that time comes that you must part with Baby. He will never part with her, though, and what a comfort that is! I know He has brought her into your lives for a purpose, and one reason I'm sure is that you can have this incredible ministry of praying for her.
My heart is full for you, Stacy.
Hugs,
Beka
I am so glad for all the people praying for her too. God knows what He is doing!
ReplyDeleteIt is funny that you commented on my blog tonight because I was JUST praying for you, your family and this tiny baby at my kitchen sink while I was getting dinner tonight (I know that sounds funny, but I do a lot of praying there!) I have had a lot of the same thoughts aoubt our girl. What will happen to her when she goes home?... I have cried more in the last few weeks than in a long time. God is teaching me so much through this! I know He will you too.
ReplyDeleteI remember these feelings so well. We had a couple of babies that went back to not so ideal situations and it broke our hearts. All I can say is, I will be praying for you my dear friend. You have such a loving, tender, spirit. What a blessing for this little one. I can feel your worries for her - they are totally valid. But you are so right - she will never, ever, be out of His care. Keep us updated.
ReplyDeleteThis strikes me because I have had children the same age as this mom. I am in the most advantageous situation possible - and it's still hard. I can't imagine how she does it.
ReplyDeleteThis baby will have more prayers prayed over her in the short time she is with you than most children have prayed over them for their entire lives. And that counts for MUCH.
Not only from you, but from all the mommies in the blogosphere - you may never be able to see the result of it, but I am positive there will be results. Our God is so faithful.
Wow...I am in tears. I found your blog from joni's blog at "what it's all about". I have sat in your shoes. In fact I am the friend Cindy was referring to in her comment on this post. I know where you sit and have sat there too. I was a foster mom to a baby girl that we got at 2 days old and we had to let her go.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet friend...this will be HARD. But I don't have to tell you that, that you know. What I may need to say is that God is in control and He will take all that you are pouring into that baby and use it for good, as hard as that is to believe. Pray like you have never prayed before (I will join you...immediately!!) You should read the posts on my blog titled "why does he nudge when I am on the toilet" and "Sisters in Christ"...my journey is not over but you can see the light at the end of my tunnel...maybe they will help. We will be friends and if you need anything I will do whatever I can.
Dawn
www.godnudges.blogspot.com