February adoption update

from Psalm 68:
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families.



I barely even know how to begin such a post.

So I'll just jump right in.

We received a call yesterday letting us know that there is a baby girl that is ours if we'll take her.

We'll take her.

The details we have at this point are sparse:

*She is one week old.
*She is African-American.
*Her birthmom used cocaine during the pregnancy.
*She is currently in a facility that specializes in drug-affected babies, and she will remain there until they release her to us. (We've been told it might be two weeks but we know it's usually longer than this, so we're not sure.)
*This is a fast-track adoption. The birthmom has had two children already taken from her and there are no relatives that will pop in to claim her. This is good for us in that the state will move to give this baby a permanent home with us. So our foster-to-adopt journey will almost positively end in *adoption*. (As opposed to many working-with-the-state adoptions where the birthmom will agree to rehab, get the baby back, start using again, get the baby taken away, agree to rehab, get the baby back, start using again,...You get the picture.) Not so, here.

And that is all we know.

We are trying to work out the details with the baby's caseworker and the facility she is in so that we can go and see her, as well as learn how to care for her these first few months of her life.

What we have learned in our very minimal training is that cocaine-exposed infants are very sleepy and are difficult to wake to feed. They do not have "sucking power" and may fight the bottle. They generally cannot eat more than one ounce at a time. The two main concerns for these babies are failure to thrive and dehydration.

The average time it takes for a baby to withdraw from drugs in their system is 30 to 60 days. The long-term studies done on such babies is positive.

My heart is aching for our sweet little baby right now. Her tiny body is ridding itself of this drug, and we are praying that she is a little fighter. I want so much to see her and to hold her and to get her home to us.

In the meantime, we continue to care for our foster baby, and I continue to wrestle with how this will be for us to have to let her go.

As I stood at the kitchen sink this morning, full of the news of this new baby and pondering our foster baby, I tearfully whispered to God, "Do You really think I can handle all of this at once?" Apparently He does. But my emotions are so all over the map these days I am doubtful.

I weep even now to think of saying goodbye to this precious girl who is sleeping down the hall from me. Oh, how I love her.

But she is not mine.

And then, today, God reveals a little girl who is to be mine. Ours. A baby I know so little of, a baby I have not seen; not even a picture.

Honestly, I'm struggling beneath all of these emotions. There is heartache. There is gratitude. I am so thankful to Him for answering our prayers, for bringing us to this stage of the journey. And. A baby. (We were licensed for ages 0-3 but I so wanted (and prayed for) a baby. I love babies. I am so thankful she's so young.) That is all mixed in with my wonderment at God's timing (Right *now*? Really? Are You sure?). And then there are my fears of attachment and bonding issues (which is always my greatest fear in terms of adoption). Toss in my feelings of inadequacy (Can I do this? What are we in for with her exposure to cocaine? And-- will I even be able to do her hair?)

Is it awful to admit that joy has only crept in a few times today? I think there's a part of me that needs to see her, and then I may need to get past the goodbye that will need to be said, in a couple of weeks, to our foster baby. (~sob~. And truly, I am literally sitting here sobbing at the moment.)

I trust God. I may not "get" His timing, but I do know it is right and good. I know He will equip us for what lies ahead. I know He will be there, guiding us, through every step of this journey. I know He will be my Comforter, my Helper, and my Strength.

Aside from all of that, I also happen to know what we're naming this baby girl of ours. But I'm not telling you that yet. (Well, except you, Amy. And Micah. And mom and Stef. And Michelle.) Actually, we only have her first name chosen. Chosen in one day, thankyouverymuch. We're still working on her middle name.

So there you have it.

God is placing another orphan in our home.

He's in the business of doing that, you know. Watch out.

32 comments:

  1. Congratulations Stacy! Please send an update to our adoption group when you get a chance/feel up to it - I can't wait for them to hear your wonderful news! And I can't wait to meet your daughter. Praying for this baby girl and your family during this transition time. SO happy for you. A friend has experience with babies withdrawing from cocaine. I'll ask her to e-mail you, since she's been through it before. I'll bet she could answer a lot of the questions you have right now.

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  2. Oh Amen! I think God did a great choice in choosing her parents. More dinners coming your way and anything else we can do to help. You and your family are an inspiration to me (no pressure). By the way, I too am feeling the "adoption bug".

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  3. The Fletchers are praying for you...

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  4. Praying for you, Stacy!!!
    love,
    rebecca m

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  5. Well PRAISE GOD!!! I needed to hear some good news this morning! What a JOY!!!

    Please know you continue to be in my prayers!

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  6. Oh (((Stacy))),

    I don't even know what to say... my heart is so full for you right now. Full of joy, for this is wonderful news indeed! But also full of something of the tangle of emotions you are undoubtedly going through right now. I am just in awe of God's planning and timing here... it all seems so surreal, the way He has worked in your lives these past couple of weeks.

    Please know how much we love you, and how many times, throughout each day, you are being lifted up before the Throne of Grace.

    His grace is sufficient.

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  7. Chills as I read your continuing story, Stacy. Will continue to pray for you and your (growing!) family.

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  8. I'm so glad that I checked my bloglines one more time today.

    Remember. Just remember.

    Remember when you saw your first baby RIGHT after she was born? That very second? That tiny split second when your entire world changed.

    It truly was a blink. And...NO longer were you the same woman that you had been. You were a mom!

    Don't worry if the joy is a tad shortlived so far. You haven't SEEN her yet. She is yours, but just like a baby in the womb....it's not real. She's faceless. But not for long.

    Congratulations on your new baby! Can't wait to see pictures.

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  9. WOW!!!! Stacey, Congratulations!! I am so thrilled for you. And ALREADY I am praying for your sweet baby girl. It sure would be easier to pray if you told me her name, though. ;) Just kidding. Praying right now for her little body. LOVE YOU!!!

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  10. OH, I am so excited for you. I understand your flipflop of emotions from one child to the other, from receiving of one and giving back of another. I will be praying for you! And YOUR new baby girl!

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  11. Praise the Lord!!
    I will pray specifically around the transition for your foster daughters... and for your new daughter as she withdraws. Bless you, Stacy & Mark & Ella & Isaac & Isias! The Lord is good.
    Blessings,
    Annie

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  12. I am reading this going, "Oh, WOW, Oh WOW, Oh WOW!!!" I am so excited for you. You have been on my heart so much lately. How exciting. I don't feel like I want to jump back into the baby stage, but if that is what God has for us...we are right there! We too asked for 0-3...we have a five year old. girl. I love God. He is awesome. I, quite frankly, didn't want a girl. I am in love. We don't know how long we will have her, but I just found out more today that is leading to very long term. Hmmmmm...so glad God knows what He is doing!

    Congratulations, mom AGAIN! Can't wait to see her, hear her name. Meanwhile, I will be praying for her, and your family, AND your foster baby. I really do pray for you often.

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  13. Yes, he IS in the business of doing that and watch out is right! :) Oh Stacy, words cannot say how thrilled I am for you and your family and this precious baby girl who was created to be your daughter. It is such an amazing miracle! I *completely" understand all of your doubts, it is so normal. But you are right, God thinks you can handle it and you can with the support of your sweet husband, family and friends. I cannot wait to hear more about it, and of course hear all about her name. I will be praying for all of you, and your transition. Hugs, Amy Crawford

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  14. Hi Stacy :) What a JOY to read these words, though I know your heart is so full.

    Can I whisper that this has His hands all over it? I know that you know that, but I wanted you to know that we can see it, too.

    Continuing with you in prayer and hope and lots of love, Q

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  15. That is so exciting, Stacy!!!

    You are doing exactly what He wants you to do.

    Let me say that again.

    You are doing exactly what He wants you to do.

    God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.

    Amen?

    You've got your baby girl.

    Yahoo!!

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  16. Have been, and will be praying....
    Rebeca

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  17. Hardly have words... weeping and praying with you... rocking back and forth and thanking God for His bountiful blessing, and His complete assurance in choosing *you*.

    I love you, Stacy.

    We're praying over here...

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  18. It has been awesome (in the real sense of the word not the 80's sense) to watch you as you walk the road that the Lord has placed in front of you! I love the way the Lord has continued to use you to bless others and how he has and will use others to bless you.
    I am so thankful for your new daughter and that God has given her to you. I am also thankful for the baby girl in your home now that God has given her love through your family.
    Praying over it all.

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  19. WOW! I am so, so happy for you. Such an amazing story...your story. Praying here....one day at a time he will porvide all the grace you need my friend.
    Can't wait to hear the name:o)

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  20. Wow. I have no words. Just a heart full of excitement to see what God has in store for you guys!

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  21. Stacy, congratulations! I am so very happy for you and Mark and the kids. Isn't God awesome!

    Can't wait to see pictures and here that precious name you have picked out.

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  22. Wow! praying for your and all the little girl babies you care ...

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  23. IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh Stacy...I don't even know what to say. Except this: When I read your comment on my blog the other day, and heard your sweet and sincere excitement over the news that we will be having a baby girl, my heart longed for you to have a baby girl of your own. God. Is. So. Good.

    And *praying, praying, praying* for that baby asleep down the hall, whom you love so much.

    Congratulations, Mama.

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  24. Yeah! I am so excited and happy for you. What an awesome demonstration of God's love...I can't wait to hear more about this baby girl that God has given you!
    Carrie

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  25. STACY!!!!

    I really have no words - just a full heart. I am in awe of the sovereignty of a God who has perfect timing.

    And your precious foster baby. I can understand the "bittersweet" of this for you. Oh Stacy, God will give grace.

    I am overflowing with happiness for you, pain because I know that a goodbye is a part of this, and gratitude that you are my friend.

    {{{hugs}}}

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  26. Oh Stacy,
    I can so vividly remember those feelings and moments of question. I was 8 months pregnant with son #3when we finished our adoption paperwork to adopt our daughter. She was born 5 weeks after son #3. You can do this. God says you can. What a blessing. What a gift. Love, Tami

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  27. Wow Stacy! God’s timing is always perfect even if it does not feel that way! I’m so excited for your family and your new daughter!! Can’t wait to hear her name and see some pictures.

    Love,
    Sarah

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  28. I've visited your blog, from somewhere, not sure where. I visit occasionally. At any rate, I love your attitude. I haven't read the entire post, but the first part is enough. My sister and brother in law have adopted a baby, his mother was a crack addict. They got him when he was less than 2 weeks old, and God has done so much in his life. He is a joy to be around, he is such a fun little guy. I will be praying for you and your family. God is faithful. Enjoy the journey.

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  29. Oh, I should tell you now that the little guy that we got into our family is now 5--soon to be 6, and is as healthy and happy as any other 6 year old.

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  30. Yaaaaaayyyy Stacy!! Celebrating with you and continuing to pray for you, your family, and both your precious little girls. Love you, Camee

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  31. I have been so very blessed by your last few entries...thank you for sharing from your heart. What an amazing opportunity the Lord has given to you and your family...an abundance of blessings...stay fixed on Him...He will carry you through, setting all things in place, in His perfect timing.
    blessings, Lisa

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  32. Wow! Congratulations! All your posts are beautiful. Can't wait to hear more!
    Bless you all!
    Christy

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