A new journey

This past weekend Mark and I attended 30+ hours of training to begin the process of adoption. Again. This time we will be adopting a child through the foster-care system in our state. We have the incredible privilege of working with a local Christian adoption agency that has a heart for the orphans. This agency sprung from a church with a vision to match Christian couples and/or families with foster children that are available to be adopted... for FREE. And here begins a new journey for our family. The next several months will entail much tedious paperwork, additional training, a homestudy, many meetings with social workers, foster licensing, much prayer and-- my least favorite, but the most growing-- waiting.

Those of you who read here know that Mark and I have a heart for adoption (for those who didn't know, see the precious little one in the photo up there, or check the sidebar to read our adoption journey), but it has taken us a long while to get to this particular place.

This past summer, I was praying earnestly that God would bless us with a baby-- through pregnancy. (Mind you, we've been praying this for a few years, and have not been able to get pregnant since we had Isaac. He's now three.) At this time, I began asking God, "Why not? Why aren't you answering this desire of our hearts?" And more grievously, "Why does your answer seem to be 'no'?" We had also begun to think about adopting again, through the foster/adopt program here in our state, but we hadn't moved forward with that yet. At the same time I was wrestling with all of these questions, God began to lay a passage of Scripture on my heart from the book of Isaiah:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion---
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.

I had no idea why God had laid this passage on my heart, but I began to read it often and pray over it. As I journaled about it, I wondered if the Lord was calling me to a ministry to the poor, if He had in mind for me, for us-- a ministry to the homeless? And so I prayed about that, and wondered what it was that we should be doing in that regard.

I sat down to journal one day and had a real sense of restlessness. I don't know why. I wondered, in my journal, if the restlessness was from God. Was it that He wanted us to be moving forward on the adoption process? And I asked Him to quiet my heart and tell me. And what was I supposed to do about this possible new ministry God had for me? How could I commit time and energies to a ministry to the poor when I was called to be home, here with my children?

Later that same day it struck me. Here I was, seeking Him, inquiring as to how we should be ministering to the poor: What, Lord, can I be doing? Simultaneously I was praying, "bless us with more children."

What I wanted was a pregnancy. A child to grow within me, to deliver, to nurse. And a ministry to the poor on the side.

I journaled that day, "But You, Lord? What You want may be this: To have us take in children who are poor. To preach good news to them, to bind up their broken hearts, to proclaim freedom to them and release them from their darkness. To comfort them. To be able to give them the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." And somehow, right then, I was sure that that's what I'd been missing all along.

God had seen fit to answer our prayers for a baby through the lens of His kingdom-purposes.

At the time I did not feel a joyful obedience, but a relenting to His plans for us. For the children He desired to bring us. I surrendered my own desires and told Him that we would walk obediently forward into the unknown (by us) and yet seen and known and planned (by Him).

We continued to research options and pray together. And in October we attended an introductory meeting with the local agency I mentioned above. At the meeting we felt such a confirmation from God that this was the road He wanted us on. Such peace. And the relenting changed to a joyful obedience. We are excited to see what God has for the future of our family!