Hope

I feel compelled to get a little transparent with you today, so bear with me as I try to sort out what I should say.

There have been times when I have alluded to struggles with one of my children before. I have not said much more than that here on the blog- for several reasons- which is truly ironic because it is a major part of my life and thoughts and prayers and cries to God. My journals are full- for the past couple of years- of prayers surrounding this boy and my relationship with him.

In a nutshell, there is a lot of pain and hurt in him. Our relationship- especially his and mine- has been rough, to say the very least. Mark and I are convinced that he has some level of attachment disorder and it is a difficult road.

I am quick to become fearful of what lies ahead. From one of my journal entries this past year:

"So often when I look at this relationship and the distance there and the lack of affection, I feel hopeless. I feel discouraged and I give in to all the fears and the what-if's and all the negative what-it's-probably-going-to-look-like-in-the-future in addition to the frustration of me not getting it right, ever. Why can't I be transformed? Why can't I actively obey and love and hold and be affectionate and simply BE what I don't FEEL? And I feel guilt and doubt and sorrow and the despair that things will not get better."

That brings me to the reason for this post.

God has been so faithful to me; to us, through this journey. A couple of months ago I was running errands and a song came on and He used it to speak to me about His power.

He reminded me of who He is. He is bigger. So much bigger than all my what-if's. He reminded me of His faithfulness so many other times- not only in Scripture but in my life. He woke me up to the reality of Who I'm dealing with, of Who holds all of this. And, for the first time in a long time, I felt buoyed. It was like, "Yeah. Look who I've got on MY side! Look who is here, fighting on my team."

And hope crept in.

The challenge for me is to remain there, in that place of trusting Him to accomplish what He has set out to do.

[As a side note, it seems an incredibly crazy thing that He has chosen me to be a part of whatever He's going to do, here- because I am a pathetic excuse for a team member. Nothing in my life has brought me more humility than my role as a mother to this boy. I royally suck at it. I cannot seem to do it well or right or God-honoring, ever. You might think I am exaggerating, but I am so not.]

Anyway, as I was saying- it is a continual challenge for me to remain in that place of trust. The enemy would have me stay in that place of doubt and fear- and often I listen to the lies and tuck myself away and remain there in that place of discouragement.

I have to fight to keep that hope and hold it close. I want to claim it and proclaim it: that He is mighty to save, that He will do a good work here- in me and in him and in us.

One of the first verses I felt led to memorize this past year was from Isaiah 43:

Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
"Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
rivers in the desert.

(verses 18 and 19, NAS)

Today, again- I spent time asking God to show His glory in this troubled relationship. I repented of my many, frequent sins- and asked Him to speak to me, and the above passage is what He reminded me of all over again.

That I am not to dwell on the past- on the heartache of what has been. That He is going to do something new. That He can make a roadway in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. That He can do the impossible, the miraculous. That nothing is too great for Him to accomplish, and that no one is so sinful (even me) that He can't use to accomplish it through. He reminds me of His power and His might and His ability- no, His willingness, His desire- to do just that.

And hope is right there.

That's where I'm at today.

I don't know where you're at, or why I feel like God wanted me to share a little of this today... but I hope that somehow you'll be encouraged that whatever your situation is- it is not too difficult for God. He can do all things.

I am trusting in Him, waiting on Him, and remembering to *hope* and not to lose heart. He is mighty. I am expectant, and I am anticipating what He's going to do in this situation. Surely He has great things ahead.

Garden in review, and some corn

When Mark told me he wanted to plant a garden this year, I said "Let's not." I knew I wouldn't be able to do much (any!) work in it, and I didn't want all the weeding and harvesting and work to fall to him, so I thought we should take a year off. He really wanted to do it, though, so we decided to go for it, but only plant a few things. The few things we planted were: romaine, spinach, chard, butter lettuce, basil, carrots, corn, cucumbers, pumpkins, and butternut squash.

We enjoyed our lettuce whenever I remembered to go out and get some. I love having lettuce in the garden for salads.

We made lots of pesto from our basil.

Our carrots were never thinned and I'm sure there are some out there but good luck getting them out of the ground; they're all so crammed together. *sigh*

Our cucumbers are awfully happy and growy right now. Do you want one?

The pumpkins are coming along nicely, though I think we have fewer than previous years. But the fact that we're going to have pumpkins makes me so happy-that-it's-Autumn and I really am positively glowing about the leaves and the weather changing and pulling out the slippers and the rice bags again and candles and sweaters and boots and tea and cocoa and EGGNOG LATTES!!! and all the wonder that Autumn brings. LOVE it. Okay, total tangent. Moving on...

Mark tells me the butternut squash is growing and I cannot wait, because I love that stuff.

Oh, but the corn? We got two ears for the four full rows we planted. (To be fair, Mark says "there may be more". But they're small and- it's all just a little disappointing.) Ugh. We have had some good corn years, but that's twice now that our corn just hasn't taken well. :(

So my mom called me up this afternoon and asked if we wanted corn. My grandpa plants a HUGE garden of corn every year and he had plenty to spare. I said "Yes!" She brought up six bags- sixty ears, she said- and there is more to come on Thursday if we'd like (yes, we would).

We rounded up the troops and began shucking corn. The neighbor boy came over to play and I told him the kids weren't playing, they were working. But if he wanted to work right along with them, he was welcome to the back yard to shuck corn with the family. He did.


It didn't take long with all of our helpers. [Sans Adelia. When I handed her an ear of corn to get her to help us, she promptly threw it on the ground and said, "All done." That was before she'd tasted it.]

I set to work blanching the corn while Mark followed up by cutting the kernels off the ears. I love this guy. I could never do these things without him.




The older kids played outside with the neighbor boy while we were in with the little girls. Audra was on my back in the Ergo:


(and nearly asleep, here!) and Adelia roamed around trying to take a bite of every ear of corn available to her. Mark told her no several times. After a little while she disappeared and when I went looking for her, I found that she had shut herself in our dark closet with an ear of corn she was happily nibbling on. (Little rascal!)

Into the pack-n-play she went.


Then we called the kids in and sent the neighbor boy home with a bag of corn. Isaias' job was to put the lid on the tubs of corn, Isaac's job was to wipe off the lid (I'd just washed them and they were wet), and Ella's job was to write on the lids. (Guess who was REALLY excited about their job?)



When there was lag time they took the full tubs to the downstairs freezer.

Mark kept cutting, I kept blanching, Audra kept sleeping.

And we let Adelia loose.



(Daddy said it was okay.)

TO DO:

Tackling this pile today...



...and remembering with fondness the days when I actually folded the clean laundry. Nowadays it seems there are always things more urgent to tend to. [Children, for one.]

Folding laundry is my least favorite chore. Have I mentioned that, once or twice or one hundred times, here on the blog? Yeah. Thought so.

But I conquered my Least Favorite Chore a couple of years ago and have faithfully folded the dreaded piles. (It helps when the kids can fold and help put away, too!)

Ever since I had Audra, though, this is a common sight in our house again. Some of the clothes in the picture above have been on this chair (in our living room!) for weeks. That's right, weeks.

Today, though... I'm working through it.

My view this morning

Here's what I've been looking at this morning:


In my opinion, there aren't many things cuter than some chunky baby legs that end in little black Mary Janes.

Especially these chunky baby legs.

According to Ella

Ella, while coloring a picture with three squirrels in it:

"Isaias wanted me to color a squirrel pink, so I colored this one pink and it's the baby.

... And I decided that this one is the mommy because she's fat."

Me:

"Wait, WHAT?! Fat? Mommies are fat?"

Ella, not missing a beat:

"Well, mommy. She *just* had her baby."

Coconut Lime Ice Cream

Ever since the grocery store stopped carrying our favorite Coconut Rum Gelato, we've been bitter. I love coconut ice cream, and believe-you-me, I have searched this town high and low for a replacement.

There is none.

Mark would like to add: "All the other coconut ice creams have nasty chunks."

So. Newly inspired by the Fletchers to pull out our ice cream maker and start using it for a change, we set out this evening to make us some coconut-y goodness. I wanted to create our *own* coconut rum ice cream, but I'm afraid the rum "flavoring" (versus the real stuff that you're apparently not supposed to use in ice cream) will be icky. [If anyone's ever used it, please tell].

So we settled for coconut lime.

And oh my word, people. It is good.

You must make this.

Coconut Lime Ice Cream

4 cups milk
2 cups heavy whipping cream
the juice from 4 limes
2 cups sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 can (15 oz) cream of coconut*

Mix all ingredients together and then follow the directions for your ice cream maker.

(Makes 4 quarts of ice cream)

*This is not the same thing as coconut milk. Cream of coconut can be found in the mixed drink section of your grocery store [You know, where you'd buy your margarita mix]. The brand I bought was called Coco Lopez.

Sorry about the fact that I do not have a photo. This is most definitely a photo-worthy post, but Mark left our camera in his brother's truck after their camping extravaganza this weekend and we've yet to get that back. I'm just sure you needed to know that detail.

First day of school, 2009

We started school this morning!

I am not fully organized for the entire year... yet. But I am fully organized and prepped through about the first ten weeks (and about 3/4 of the way done through our full year), so I think that's a good start!

This year Ella (7) is in the 2nd grade, and Isaac (5) is officially in kindergarten. Officially. However, I'm not planning on doing anything formal with him until he takes a greater interest in reading. (So far, no great interest.) So while he and Isaias both join us for memory work, picture study, songs, Bible time, and history- (and are learning a TON), we aren't doing anything *just* for either of the boys.

Audra (6 mo) took a great morning nap, so that was helpful. Adelia (18 mo) was not particularly helpful. *grin* Have I mentioned that she has recently learned the exciting (for her) skill of climbing up onto chairs and couches without assistance? Like I said, exciting times for her, but the rest of us are still getting used to her being able to get into things that were previously out of her reach. :)

We wrapped up our day by noon, other than the reading-aloud we'll do before naps/quiet times.

I was even able to get lunch on the table before Mark got home to eat it with us, and chicken is cooking in the crockpot for dinner. Yay! A good day so far!

When does school begin for the rest of you?