I went walking early with my mom, then came home through the back door to find Mark loading the dishwasher for me before he left for work. I sat at the kitchen table and drank a glass of water and he asked me how I was, and then listened to me while he worked, and I told him of my weariness. He took time to pray for me before I saw him out the back door. Then I snuck into my room, trying to avoid all the creaky floorboards, closing our old door just so; so that it won't click noisily, hoping and praying everyone would stay sleeping so that I could begin this day quietly.
So here I sit on my bed, under the warmth of an electric blanket. A little bit ago I pulled out my journal and started telling God all about it: my weariness, how there are so many demands on me in a school week and I'm feeling a little pouty and slightly resentful, even, that I will run around today and this week meeting everyone else's needs but would really like someone to take care of ME. (Does anyone else ever feel that way? Maybe I'm just especially selfish. ;))
Even as I'm writing that prayer to God, I am thinking of this verse, which I then anchored to the page of my journal and to my mind for the day:
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| from my journal pages this morning |
And I can see the ways He's already doing that today...
~He gave me the gift of going walking early with my mom: exercise and fresh air and adult conversation for a half-hour! (5406)
~Coming home to find Mark in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher. His kindness in loving me through practical service to me. He knows I like to begin my day with a clean kitchen, and he got up early-- sacrificing his own sleep-- to do so. (5407)
~Mark praying for me as he cleaned the kitchen (he told me when I came in he'd been praying for our day), and aloud, with me, before he left for work. (5408)
~Mark, who faithfully works hard to provide for our family. (5409)
~Passing Isaias on my way to my room, as he's heading outside to do his morning chores. So thankful for my kids and the work they do so faithfully around the house. (5410)
~This sweet time of quiet God just granted me-- a whole 40+ minutes of time to journal and pray and rest in the truth of His word while He kept the kids sleeping. (5411)
~The coziness of our home and my bed (and the warmth of the electric blanket!) (5412)
~His word, which is so precious to me. (5413)
~My chatty little Audra (6), who was the first to come into my room, snugging up beside me and talking, talking, talking, always talking. How I love her and how thankful I am for this girl, the gift that she is to me, the miracle of her. (5414)
Praying now that my eyes will continue to be open to see the goodness of God today; to see Him so richly and personally providing for my every need.
Blessing to you, sweet friends, on your day! May each of you see Him in his rich provision for you, too.
it's kind of incredible, the timing of this. last monday morning, i sent a couple of my best friends a text saying that i felt "weary and overwhelmed" and just not up to the many tasks that i needed to accomplish that day (and every day). these days being at home can be long and honestly pretty daunting. the list of things to handle, the lessons to teach, the meals and cleaning and all of it - some mornings it just feels like too much.
ReplyDeleteknowing that i'm struggling with these feelings, i am trying to be intentional about that cliche term "self care" and knowing what that looks like for me. getting outside, preferably doing some exercise - always boosts my spirit. and also, i am trying to be super vigilant about ensuring i get *some alone time during the day, when the boys rest. we are entering that tricky stage of boys no longer really sleeping (especially josiah) but i am having him stay in his bed listening to a story on tape so that i have some time alone without little people needing something or even talking. :)
it sounds like you are already doing these things and probably so much more. what a wonderful hubby you have ... what a commitment you make to get up early and exercise! ... and i love the scripture that you journaled.
isn't it all just seasons and some weeks feel spectacular and we are so present in the beauty and awesomeness of our lives ... and other days/weeks, it's just harder.
big hugs!!!
Yes, SO daunting. I found it so helpful to keep my journal out and open and just keep writing down everything I was thankful for, all day long. It kept me *looking* for His gifts to me throughout the day.
DeleteI do think that self-care is important (I cringe at the phrase a bit, too), but exercise is so important and I literally might go insane if I didn't have quiet time at our house *every* afternoon. I think it is so important-- for me and for them. We do around 1 1/2-2 hours, every day. Sometimes longer if I end up falling asleep. Good for you to keep it going even though the boys are not napping anymore!
Love to you, friend.
what are your napping/resting secrets? :) it's a struggle ... having my boys in the same room is a set up for disaster lol so need to re-think strategies to ensure everyone stays quietly in one place. :)
DeleteI love your heart! Thank you for sharing. I have felt like this so much lately. It is hard to "not grow weary in doing good. " I am trying to serve for God's glory.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you my sweet friend.
Thank you and blessings to you, Carolynn!
DeleteYour thankful spirit is such a blessing to me. As moms we have all felt that "who thinks about ME??" sentiment. I find that committing to less, expecting less, and being present in the moment (not succumbing to the "to do" lists that want to be written...) and most importantly, trusting my moments to the Lord is what matters! I try to invite Him into every moment! Thank you for sharing from your day!
ReplyDeleteElisabeth~ YES. I am with you on committing to less. REALLY need to work on expecting less. ;) And being present is the prayer of my heart. Thank you for sharing!
DeleteJust playing catch on my blog reading and I am loving all these recent posts. Yes, this motherhood gig is so draining and maddening at times. But from your example, it is the thankful hearts that find refreshing. I need more of that.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Heather. (((hugs)))
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