Receiving help

We’ve had a rough week. My husband was in an accident a week ago Friday, and does not have the use of his hands (or, more specifically- some of his fingers). He has nerve damage, and apparently that is slow in healing.

Lately our normal routine has sort of gone out the window. Mark is home and needs a lot of extra care (for most of the week, I had to feed him, give him each drink of water, help him with blankets and pillows and medicines and brushing his teeth, shaving (after the stitches came out), bathing, getting dressed… all of that. Not to mention the extra jobs he normally does around the house that I’ve been doing (taking out the garbage, the recycling, and most of the yardwork). Oh, and on Saturday I tried to fix a leaky faucet in our bathtub while Mark instructed me over my shoulder. I had to climb into the wall in our basement first to turn off the cold water. When I fixed the faucet and went back to the basement to turn the water back on, that valve began leaking. So now we have no cold water in our tub upstairs and our sink downstairs. Great. Anyway… all that to say that it’s been a bit extra in addition to my three little ones who, ya’ know, also need care! I am weary. My house is a mess, we’ve eaten fast food WAY too many times this week, and my laundry is piling up. Any clean clothes left in our house are in hampers, waiting to be folded.

Yesterday morning, I put our youngest down for his morning nap and readied our two oldest to take to church. Mark was staying home. We were running late and I was impatient, irritable and snappy, so much so that on the way to church I had to apologize and ask my children to forgive me.

After church, a number of people came over to ask about Mark- How is he doing? Is he getting any better? How are you doing? And then this question: What can we do for you? Yikes. I don’t like this one. A man in our small group approached me and said, “My wife will be calling you later this afternoon to see how we can help with food and the kids, but I’m asking you now: ‘What can I do for you this week?’” (Now, this man happens to be very handy, and instantly in my mind I thought of our plumbing problem.) But, my response is standard. “Oh, thank you, but we’re okay. Thank you so much for offering.” He was even persistent. Very. And here’s me: “We’re fine, really. Thank you, though. It is so kind of you to offer. If anything comes up, I’ll let you know.” Now, even I realize the ridiculousness of this response: “If anything comes up…?!” As if something hasn’t already come up. (Like, my husband’s hands being immobile, for instance!) Why do I say this?

As we inched closer to the doors exiting the sanctuary, another offer: “Can we bring you some meals?” I recall all the 99-cent hamburgers we’ve been eating all week and you can imagine my response: I say, “Oh, no. We’re fine. Thank you so much. We’re really doing okay.”

And then, once more (we’re in the foyer, now) my dad asks, “Stacy, how are you doing? Can we do anything for you today? Does your lawn need mowing? I can send your little brother up.” (They live right down the street). And I say, “Oh, no. I’ll do that today (I will??). Thanks, though.” And we hustled out to the van, lest any other kind soul offer their services.

As I drove home, trying to decide if I should pick up hamburgers on the way home or stick to PB & J for about the 50th time this week, I wonder, “Am I CRAZY? Why on earth do I say those things? Seriously- what is my problem?” I’ve been pondering it ever since. This really is a fault of mine: I am not good at receiving help. Maybe (okay, probably) it’s my pride. I want to be independent and take care of it myself. I don’t want to be needy and have to rely or depend on anyone. I want to be self-sufficient. And isn’t that just what the Bible says? No.

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes of the body as a unit, made up of many parts. He writes, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!”

So me saying “No, we’re okay”, is really me saying, “I don’t need you”. And that is contrary to God’s calling for us to be body made up of many parts. And is it possible that me saying no is standing in the way of God’s design and desire for others to love and serve? These people in our church who offered to help us this morning were being obedient to God’s word.

Jesus, after washing the feet of his disciples, “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” (John 13:14-14).

Dear children, let us not love with words of tongue but with action and in truth. (1 John 3:18)

In humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)

I desire so much to be this kind of a person to others: to consider others better than myself, to love in action and in truth. To wash the feet of others. To use the gifts God has given me to serve others. So why do I refuse this very same thing in others? Lord, may I adhere to your word and your ways.

Epilogue:

Mark and I discussed this when I came home and we agreed to make some changes. We called my dad and said, “We actually will take you up on your offer, if it’s still available.” And my little brother just finished mowing our lawn. What a blessing indeed! I just sent him out the door with a hug and his payment: a huge Rice Crispy treat and a Coke. And Mark said he’d be calling that guy from our small group about our plumbing problem...