Transparency

On Sunday I noticed a family lingering around after the service, so I walked over with Ella and introduced myself and peppered them with questions.  ;)  The woman said this was their first week, then told me her name and the names of her kids.  I asked her if they knew anyone in our church community, and they did, and she mentioned they knew some people from various homeschooling circles.  Great!  So I asked about homeschooling, and she told me of their involvement in MP3 (in case that's not a familiar term: MP3 is a partnership with a local public school, where homeschooled kids can take some classes at the school), and how her eldest was now in public high school.  So then I turned to her eldest and asked him how the transition had been for him from homeschooling to public school.  He said it had been pretty good, and then his mom said, "I think a lot of people think homeschoolers do it the 'old way'; that they're at home all the time in their kitchen!  But our kids have had so many different learning environments that the transition wasn't really a big deal for him."

I don't know this woman at all, nor her story.  And she doesn't know us at all.  She doesn't even know that we homeschool.  But her description of the type of family who stays home and schools in the kitchen?

Um, that would be us.  :)   It's just me with the kids, some books and the kitchen table, folks. 

Her statement stung me.

And Satan knew it.  I was plagued with doubt for the rest of the day and in the wee hours of the morning when I couldn't sleep.  I kept turning her comment over and over in my mind and questioning: Are we doing ENOUGH?  I've been battling it ever since.  I know his accusations well, and this is right along the lines of where he likes to prod me.  I compared and fretted and doubted and feared:  Are we doing enough?  Will my kids be ill-prepared for college/"the real world" (whatever that is) because we aren't MP3ing or because they haven't had "various learning environments"?  Most of their learning happens right here in our home.  With me.  Once a week we have a piano teacher come in.  They're involved in a weekly program at our church and so I guess you could call that a different learning environment but their daddy is there for half of it so it may not count.  (Because yes, I was counting.)

If you're logical like my husband, you would say, "Enough for WHAT?  They're going to be fine."  Case closed.  ;)  And I know they will.  And I know it's dumb.  Satan is dumb.  But I fret.  Not about future academics.  But about whether they'll be able to make friends and whether they'll be grounded and secure in Christ.  Will they love GOD?   I just want them to grow up and love Jesus.  That is my heart; my greatest desire and prayer.  I just want them to love Jesus. (*tears*)

I've been battling these thoughts and praying on and off about it since then, and God ever so gently but clearly reminded me this morning that HE is their keeper.  And I am not.  It is not on me or any environment that we may provide to get them to a certain place with Him.  May I never find solace in our ways or values or methods, but in HIM alone.  It is ALL HIM.  It is all His work in them. And I can entrust them to Him because He is trustworthy.

(photo from 2007)

I will faithfully do what He has given me to do.  By that I mean that I will love and seek God.  I will love their daddy and encourage him.  I will love my kids and encourage them and pursue relationship with them.  And I will instruct them about God and His ways.  I will pray for their hearts to be tender and responsive to Him.  And I will keep on entrusting them to Him.


That is my offering.