Transparency

On Sunday I noticed a family lingering around after the service, so I walked over with Ella and introduced myself and peppered them with questions.  ;)  The woman said this was their first week, then told me her name and the names of her kids.  I asked her if they knew anyone in our church community, and they did, and she mentioned they knew some people from various homeschooling circles.  Great!  So I asked about homeschooling, and she told me of their involvement in MP3 (in case that's not a familiar term: MP3 is a partnership with a local public school, where homeschooled kids can take some classes at the school), and how her eldest was now in public high school.  So then I turned to her eldest and asked him how the transition had been for him from homeschooling to public school.  He said it had been pretty good, and then his mom said, "I think a lot of people think homeschoolers do it the 'old way'; that they're at home all the time in their kitchen!  But our kids have had so many different learning environments that the transition wasn't really a big deal for him."

I don't know this woman at all, nor her story.  And she doesn't know us at all.  She doesn't even know that we homeschool.  But her description of the type of family who stays home and schools in the kitchen?

Um, that would be us.  :)   It's just me with the kids, some books and the kitchen table, folks. 

Her statement stung me.

And Satan knew it.  I was plagued with doubt for the rest of the day and in the wee hours of the morning when I couldn't sleep.  I kept turning her comment over and over in my mind and questioning: Are we doing ENOUGH?  I've been battling it ever since.  I know his accusations well, and this is right along the lines of where he likes to prod me.  I compared and fretted and doubted and feared:  Are we doing enough?  Will my kids be ill-prepared for college/"the real world" (whatever that is) because we aren't MP3ing or because they haven't had "various learning environments"?  Most of their learning happens right here in our home.  With me.  Once a week we have a piano teacher come in.  They're involved in a weekly program at our church and so I guess you could call that a different learning environment but their daddy is there for half of it so it may not count.  (Because yes, I was counting.)

If you're logical like my husband, you would say, "Enough for WHAT?  They're going to be fine."  Case closed.  ;)  And I know they will.  And I know it's dumb.  Satan is dumb.  But I fret.  Not about future academics.  But about whether they'll be able to make friends and whether they'll be grounded and secure in Christ.  Will they love GOD?   I just want them to grow up and love Jesus.  That is my heart; my greatest desire and prayer.  I just want them to love Jesus. (*tears*)

I've been battling these thoughts and praying on and off about it since then, and God ever so gently but clearly reminded me this morning that HE is their keeper.  And I am not.  It is not on me or any environment that we may provide to get them to a certain place with Him.  May I never find solace in our ways or values or methods, but in HIM alone.  It is ALL HIM.  It is all His work in them. And I can entrust them to Him because He is trustworthy.

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(photo from 2007)

I will faithfully do what He has given me to do.  By that I mean that I will love and seek God.  I will love their daddy and encourage him.  I will love my kids and encourage them and pursue relationship with them.  And I will instruct them about God and His ways.  I will pray for their hearts to be tender and responsive to Him.  And I will keep on entrusting them to Him.


That is my offering.



14 comments:

  1. Oh sweet mama, you ARE doing what its all about! Being home with your precious gifted blessings....educating their "hearts"!!

    May you be encouraged to keep going and push aside all the stinging comments. Keep those little ones close to you and the harvest will be bountiful.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. ....and I'd love to be sitting at your table learning beside you. You are so inspirational and encouraging. I've often re-read one of your posts when I am struggling.

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    2. Thank you. :) You are so sweet and encouraging! I know it's important-- most days I do know that and don't doubt it. :) Thanks for your kind words. :)

      ~Stacy

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  2. Stacy, wrestling with some similar questions and doubts here in the Wilcox household. Thank you for your post, and for your openly shared heart. It is so good to know that our children are in God's hands. Praying for grace to rest in that knowledge and be faithful.

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    1. Oh, Cara. I'm sorry. I just prayed for you!
      Love to you and yours,
      ~Stacy

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  3. Stacy, thank you for your transparency. My oldest is in 3rd grade, and I wrestle at times with similar questions... wondering if he's having enough social interaction (he has two little sisters, so with them and me he's the only man in the house all day while my husband is at work!). But I know we are laying the groundwork and the foundation for our childrens' spiritual lives. A friend recently mentioned that as homeschooling moms, we need to remember that CHARACTER is paramount, not the academics. Of course that our childrens' hearts would be devoted to Christ is the most important thing, and I am certain your children are on that path. They are so blessed to have you mothering and teaching them every day. Thanks for giving us a glimpse. :)

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    1. I love it that you called your little guy the "man in the house" while your husband is away. Love that. :) I'll bet he loves that role. :) Amen to the character far outweighing the academics! Blessings to you as you instruct your children and educate them, my friend.
      ~Stacy

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  4. Funny... I was just having a group email conversation on this topic after a gal in our homeschool community expressed the same concerns and asked for input. My dear friend and former neighbor who has homeschooled seven boys (graduated six, four have started their own families, all love Jesus and are walking faithfully with Him) opened her response with such encouraging words. I will share them...

    "Well if it makes you feel any better, when I started homeschooling 25+ years ago with 4 little boys, it took me about 5 years to stop waking up in the middle of the night with that “panic attack” feeling thinking I wasn’t doing enough. One day I just realized that by God’s great grace, He cared about their education far more than I did and I just needed to walk in obedience to the light that had been revealed to me regarding their education. Homeschooling provides an opportunity for you to be one on one (or two, three, etc.) with your student which is a far better ratio than any classroom. You are doing more than you think you are!"

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  5. I hit publish before I was done, but I loved her encouragement to walk in obedience to the light He has revealed to me in His full and perfect knowledge of who my children are and what they need most from their education.

    I'm right there with you in those doubts the enemy throws at us! So thankful for God's grace to cover my not-enough's and remind me I was never to be relied upon to provide their "enough" anyway. Thankful for your transparency, Stacy! I so appreciate women who are honest about this very wonderful but also very challenging road of homeschooling!

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    1. Jodi, YES! That was my favorite line from the excerpt you posted, too "I just needed to walk in obedience to the light that had been revealed to me regarding their education." LOVE that. Thanks for sharing that, Jodi. :) Love to you, sweet friend.
      ~Stacy

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  6. Oh friend, I love how honest you are. Makes me feel like I am normal with all my own struggles with all this. It's funny because I felt "not enough" because I chose this past year to put my kids in part time class settings to find some peace in our home. Feeling like I should be able to do it all...autism, burn out, community changes etc Each of us has a story to live as part of His story and each will look SO different. To me it is the beauty of people and the plans he has for each of us. So if it be the kitchen table or a class 2x a week (in our case) He has got our backs. Love to you!

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    1. Sandi~ Arghh! about you feeling that, too. Blessings to you, sweet friend! And yes, so thankful for the freedom to live out our stories in Him. Love you MUCH!
      ~Stacy

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  7. Excellent post, Stacy! It is *enough* and your kids will be fine. My older kids had no extra learning/enrichment to speak of (unless you count a million babies and siblings). All three have sailed through Running Start. I prefer the sit-around-the-kitchen-table method of homeschooling :)

    {{hugs}}

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    1. Renee~
      Awww.... thanks for your kind words of encouragement. :) I prefer that kind of homeschooling, too! ;)

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