January adoption update

The month of December also brought a bit of adoption news, none of it good.

In early December our agency sent out an email indicating that they had lost two case managers and because of that, "placement at this time has to slow down." [Note: We are waiting for a placement (meaning, waiting for children to be placed into our home). But then of course we can't get a placement until we have a foster license (from the state), which we are still waiting for.]

I emailed our agency back for clarification on the "slow down" part. As in, "Exactly HOW slow?" but I haven't yet received a response.

A couple of weeks later (mid-December) we received another email from our agency indicating that they had lost two more employees.

We were discouraged to say the least.

The following day, our social worker called. (From the state. The lady responsible for giving us our foster care license, which we need in order to foster children in this state for the purpose of adoption). She wanted to go over a few things before she submitted her report on us to her supervisor. She said she noticed in our homestudy [done by our agency], that we use the rod of correction [Note: this is not the terminology she used, this is mine, for the purpose of weeding out Google searches on the other term] for our children and she wanted to go over that with me.

And so we talked about that for a period of maybe 20 minutes, during which she said things like:

"Well, you do know that it is illegal to use corporal punishment for children within this state."

Which is not true. But I do know it is illegal to do so with a foster child. We understand that and have written in several pieces of paperwork that we've already submitted to the state that we will not use the rod of correction for any foster child within our home.

Or this one:

"I guess I need to know that as a foster parent, you will be willing to fit within the parameters of what we expect for prospective adoptive parents."

So basically, here, she's wanting me to say that we will stop our current method of discipline.

I stated that we have already agreed to fit within the state's parameters for the children being placed into our home from the foster care system.

And then there was this one:

"Some of the children coming into your home from the system are coming from such abusive situations, where they have been hit or seen hitting. [And let me just interject here to say that this breaks my heart. Of course we know this, and this is why we want so much to bring these children into our home. And to love these who have been unloved, abused, or abandoned.] She then continued with: "We can't have these children in your home watching you hit your ch*ldren."

And exhibiting much restraint, though she'd certainly raised my hackles after that last comment, I calmly explained that we generally take the child needing correction into another room, away from the other children. I emphasized that we will be diligent about doing so when there is a foster child within our home.

To which she said, a bit haughtily- and after a little laugh, "Well. I'm sure you'll understand that it will be VERY difficult for us to place any child of any age in your home knowing that this is your discipline plan. I'll make a notation about our discussion here and forward this onto my supervisor, and we'll see what he says. But I have a strong feeling I'll get this back and we'll need to have further discussions on this issue."

When I got off the phone I felt awfully deflated. And a little angry, honestly. And discouraged. And about ready to give up on this whole thing. She had been so antagonistic in our conversation, and I was left feeling like she was going to make things very hard for us. I described my conversation in detail with Mark when he came home for lunch. And then I emailed Kimmie and asked her to pray. I talked to Michelle on the phone. And I emailed Hilary and vented a bit. And as much as I love these girls and am grateful for their support (and especially, Kimmie, your spirit-filled prayer for us!), I am ashamed to say that I was in communication with each of them before I was in communication with God about this matter.

But after the kids were down for their naps/quiet times, I plunked down on my bed with my Bible and journal and talked to God about it. And He reminded me of this verse, from Ephesians,

"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

So I prayed through this passage, and as I did so, I gained such hope, peace, and a renewed sense of purpose. I thanked Him for the bajillionth time for His word, and I rested in it. It is true, it is good, and I know that I can trust Him fully for all of this. If He wants to place children from the foster care system into our home, then by golly, He's going to do just that. And not one person can stand in His way. I asked Him to remove my anxiety and my doubt, and I asked that I would be pleasing to Him through this. I left that time so encouraged with the fact that God knows exactly what He is doing. But I so needed that time with Him to be reminded of it. To take my eyes off of the current seemingly overwhelming circumstances, and to put them where they belong. On Him. In a place of rest and trust and knowledge that nothing is impossible with Him!

That was on December 21st.

And wouldn't you know it? Just yesterday we received word from our social worker that we did, in fact, get licensed. [We just need to type up, sign and date a statement indicating that we will do all discipline in a room away from a foster child.] We see God's hand in this, and are rejoicing. And I want to thank you, too, for your prayers on our behalf. We so appreciate you!!!


  1. Wow! What a testimony to God's sovereignty and your submission to His way. I commend you for controlling your anger....I fear I wouldn't have done so well. I have friends who have adopted and the personal opinions of the social worker can have an impact. As we see here God is sovereign over people, and they can't change His plan for your family. I shout a resounding Praise God!

  2. Wow, unbelievable to me, but when I remember that God was in it, the outcome is obvious. Congratulations and I can't wait to hear about when you get the call for your child(ren) coming!

  3. You handled this with her so well. I am sure I would have started cryiny. Bless your heart.
    As with any any trial, I am so anxious to hear about the end of the story that God has in mind.

  4. There it is. A true testimony that not one can stand in the way of God. So awsome!

  5. That is awesome, Stacy. I am so happy for you and your family! What an amazing testimony!

  6. Yahoo!!!!...a girl with a license, is a girl (family) with POWER! ;-)

    Praying that they will call you with a match ...can't wait to hear your news.

    Cling to God and listen to his still small voice. So happy and excited for you my sweet friend.

    mama to 6
    one homemade and 5 adopted

  7. Rejoicing with you! And continuing to pray that God will put just the right children in your family at just the right time! Praise Him!

  8. That is so wonderful and it gives me such hope. We have be talking about foster care for years and then this week it was brought to the forefront in our conversations again. We were so discouraged when in our research we found that no corporal punishment is permitted in the home. We knew we wouldn't be permitted to use the rod with foster kids, but not being allowed to use it at all is a deal breaker for us. So we decided we would have to shelf the idea for now. But your post makes me want to do more research. I wonder if it is officially prohibitted or just discouraged.

    We came across something similar with our adoption. Maryland requires you to sign a statement stating you will not use any form of corporal punishment, in order to have your homestudy approved. My husband being a lawyer went through the legalese in the fineprint and discovered it was not binding once the adoption was finalized. And our adoption would be finalized before the baby came home. When he told our social worker this, she said she knew, but she was told she was not allowed to inform clients that it was a temporary agreement.

    Sorry for the huge comment. I am just so happy for you and so encouraged by this news!

  9. What wonderful news! Rejoicing with you as you move forward. What an awesome God we serve!

  10. God is good. It is so encouraging to hear his goodness to you & Mark... now we await his goodness to the child(ren) He will place in your home. I will keep praying.

  11. Hi Stacy :) What a gorgeous testimony to, well, so MANY things... the Father's power and faithfulness, standing firm, seeking His face...

    Thanks so much for sharing this! Love and prayers, Q

  12. Praise the Lord!! That's awesome, Stacy. Thanks for the reminder of God's faithfulness and your wonderful example of seeking and trusting in Him. :)

  13. Congratulations!

    I am so happy to hear that you guys have finally received some good news in this process.

  14. Oh geez. That is NOT how I expected your post to end. Hallelujah! Our God REIGNS!!!!

    Oh, and I am FUMING about that interchange between you and the social worker!!!!!! Do NOT even get me started! If more people would discipline their children with appropriate spanking, we'd have less Britney Spears type issues in our society. Period.

    Ahem. Ooops, didn't I say not to get me started?!?

    You can call me any time to vent!

  15. I'm glad to hear there is a happy ending! I'm sure that was and is very frustrating, however, our God is Big and He is in Control!
    God Bless your family!

  16. Oh Stacy, I am thrilled. I was so sad while I read through your post, and then at the end? I was utterly surprised and excited! If that wasn't God's hand... then I don't know what is!

    We'll continue to pray for the next step!

  17. Stacy, I am thrilled you now have your foster care license! Yay! it will be wonderful to see how God works in this!

    And an extremely, shamefully belated, but very huge thank you for my wonderful gift from you!!!! Let me just say that I get goose bumps in the car now, listening to our children sing out loud to those Scripture songs! I just ordered the whole set because they love them. I love my soap! I loved my chocolate (that one was very short lived :)).

    I loved that you came over and had tea with us. That was so fun. And guess what? I now can start a fire on the first try and keep it going all day! So next time... warm and cozy.


  18. Oh Stacy!!
    The kings heart is indeed in the hand of the Lord. Praising the Lord with you!!!! I am so excited!!!

  19. I am very happy for you,Stacy. What a world we live in. I'm not sure I'd have the same perseverance you have displayed.


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